I always have been quite neurotic. When Jakob was a baby I was that mom that had each chart within a moment’s grasp measuring the development of my BRILLIANT child. He reached all his milestones in good time and made his mama proud.
That all changed however when Ella was born. I don’t know how it happened except that it probably had something to do with the grace of God. Perhaps God knew that I needed a little time to loosen up and that is why Ella is my second born. But either way, the stress that would have come along should Jakob have been delayed in anyway, has not been present throughout Ella’s short life. I just don’t care.
I will admit however, that a couple of days ago, the anxiety of delay tapped me on the shoulder, maybe just to remind me that it was there. I don’t think its that I have been living in denial but I suppose it is just becoming a little more evident as the gap widens between Ella and her peers.
We have a couple of friends who had babies about 6 months after Ella was born and as they reach their first birthdays, they are beginning to walk and talk….And while Ella has great understanding (probably more than outsiders give her credit for) she lacks the obvious skills that a “normal” 20 month old should be a master of. And it is a reminder that this gap is only going to widen. When other children are reading and writing Ella may still be learning her alphabet or mastering holding a crayon. And how will I respond then? When she is constantly compared to other children in her class. When they have to make exceptions for her progress and move her onto the next grade when the skills of the previous grade were not achieved?
As much as I know that all you can do is take each day as it comes and celebrate each sweet victory, I wonder if somewhere down the line this will be easier said than done. But that would be living in fear, now wouldn’t it?
I remember when I sang in church for the first time, I couldn’t have been older than 5 or 6….I sang the song “In His Time”. It is a song that is deeply embedded in my soul and I have been singing it to Jakob since he was born and now, I sing it to Ella.
In His time,
In His time,
He makes all things beautiful in His time,
Lord please show me everyday,
As you’re teaching me your way,
That you do just what you say,
In Your time,
In Your time,
In Your time,
You make all things beautiful in you time,
Lord, my life to you I bring,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to you a lovely thing,
In Your time.
Sometimes God’s timing is hard for me to accept because I am a planner and I like to have control. But he knows what He is doing. He makes the sun rise, and moon fall, he makes the seasons change and knits each precious life together in that secret place and because of this, I will trust Him.
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