It’s been almost a month since my last blog post. I suppose one might see that as a sure-fire sign of a blogger failure but I’m not sorry. You see, in the Bloggy business we feel this pressure to keep it going – keep the stats up and keep the reach long. And while many can do that through careful organization or hired staff, I am just not at that place. We have to constantly be filling our feeds with the latest memes, capturing images and engaging posts but sometimes in the frantic rush to get it all done we forget to live in real life and as a result, with no inspiration to draw on, we are left speechless or worse, contrived. We crowd out the spaces where creativity takes root, blooms and blossoms.
I went on vacation. Don’t worry, you will hear all about it soon but in truth, I didn’t even take my computer (this is a huge step for me). I posted a few pics on Instagram because I can’t help but share, but our campsite didn’t have an electrical outlet to charge my phone and the network tends to be scattered at the end of the world, which is what I like to call my little place in paradise.
And while I wish I could say that I came back rested, the truth is, I am now overwhelmed with unfinished projects, financial strains and a never ending fight for balance. That being said, I am also overcome with gratitude. If it weren’t for the financial woes of being married to a student, (a music student no less) life would be without complaint (okay, I think we all know that is not true, but it seems that way). Despite an empty wallet and unpaid bills I am so incredibly grateful. There is so much to be thankful for.
I am thankful for my children. I am thankful that Ella has access to speech therapy and tutoring, even if we can’t get funding for it. I am thankful that she is healthy and that even though I can’t afford swimming lessons, we have a pass to our local outdoor pool where we go often and where she is getting more and more comfortable in the water. At the start of summer she would only want to sit on the edge and now she will go down the small slide where I am ready to catch her at the bottom. I am thankful that she has friends, and people who love her for who she is. And I am thankful that she is such and enthusiastic learner and loves to read.
I am thankful for Jakob and his creativity. I am thankful that he is such a big help with his sisters and that he is old enough for me to have an intelligent conversation with, even if it is about Minecraft.
And I am thankful for Audrey. She’s only 17 months and we are already into the terrible twos. She is a wild child and tries her best to keep up with her brother and sister. I find it irresistible when she stands in her crib saying incessantly, “Mama? Mom? Mom…” and always give in when she want to go for a walk.
I am thankful for my home at the edge of the Ravine. Even now, I look out on the tall trees and blue sky and suddenly my worries float away with the clouds. I am thankful that I live in the best neighborhood in Edmonton and I can walk or bike anywhere I need to.
I am thankful for the provision of my mother – who always makes sure my kids are fully outfitted for the new school year.
I am thankful for friends that love and hold me up from afar.
And I am thankful for my husband. He puts up with a lot. I stress out…a lot…and sometimes, when I am stressed I become a very bad version of myself. I am catty and unkind and he somehow filters through it and we move on. We always move on. We’ve been moving on for almost 12 years – hard to believe. I’d be a very different person without him.
So many things to be thankful for, if only we take the time and find the space to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.