Most days, parenting Ella is just like parenting a typical child…except when it is not.
Today, was Ella’s last day of soccer for the fall season and today was the first time that a girl was nasty to her. I suppose it wasn’t a big deal. She simply exclaimed loudly that, “Having Ella out on the field won’t do anything.”
The 5 year old inside me wanted to yell back, “Like you do anything!?”
A bit later the same girl grimaced and backed away dramatically from Ella, when Ella made an attempt to join in their sideline fun. I had had enough and finally went up to her and reprimanded her for her behavior by simply saying that she was being mean and should be nicer to Ella. I realized completely after the fact that some parents might be upset with my initiative but the reality is, Ella isn’t going to stick up for herself. In fact, quite the opposite. It was heart breaking to watch Ella on the field tonight. She was discouraged, and her lip popped out and quivered when she was cut out of play by meangirland her friend (they were playing 3 on 3). As an isolated scenario, again, I realize it’s not that bad, but in my mind, it is just a foretaste of what’s to come.
Up until now, children have always been fairly kind to Ella. Curious – yes, mean – no. But I know that as the gap widens between Ella and her peers there will be many more situations in which Ella will be left out, made fun of and ridiculed. It breaks my heart. The irony of it is, is that later in the evening, I watched as a girl on the opposite team, fell and hurt herself. Only Ella, out of all the girls on the field, only Ella went up to her, and started to pat her back in an attempt to comfort her.
In so many ways, Ella is on par with her peers. For example, socially. In some ways, she is beyond them, like in showing empathy. And yet in other ways…many ways, she is noticeably far behind.
As we get further into the school year I am becoming more aware of the little parts of Ella’s personality that are…what shall we say?…not so “normal.”
It is easy for me to say that Ella is more the same than different when I am there to interpret, help and guide but when I am not there, I suppose I am afraid her “disability” will be exposed for what it really is. (I recognize how ridiculous that sounds). The children in Ella’s class have been so accepting of her. They play with her at school and ask to have playdates with her outside of school. I could not be more thrilled that she is making friends…but…
But many of the friends ask if Ella can come over to their house. Immediately, my chest gets tight and I start to sweat. It is an entirely different situation if a friend comes to our house when I am home, and Ella is at home, and she knows her boundaries, but send her to someone else’s house? A house I have never been to? With adults I have barely conversed with?
What if she has to go poo?
What if she runs away?
What if she tests the boundaries and wrecks something?
What if they can’t understand my girl who I always say is so understandable?
We are stepping out. Our sphere is widening and while there are so many good things about it, while, I love to watch Ella warm the hearts of everyone she meets and make friends with those that have a chance to really get to know her there is part of me that wants to shield her from the meangirls of life and live in the ignorance of her disability where I can make it only what I can bear because nobody else really needs to come face to face with it. I want to shelter her from all the bad things people will say, the dirty looks and the whispers behind her back. But if I did, I know I would be also keeping her from the good things in life like friends who love her for her, disability and all.
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