If someone asked me if I was an introvert twenty years ago, I would have said no. As a child and teenager, I was outgoing. I lacked the inhibition that keeps people from speaking up or mingling in big gatherings – in fact, these two traits often set me apart. But the reality was, I was practicing what Dr. Brian Little refers to as Free Trait Theory. You see, I grew up in the church and by grew up, I mean not just Sunday mornings, but Sunday evenings, Wednesday nights, Friday nights….it was my social life. My parents were both involved in ministry either at church or at camp. I was often around large groups of people…not only that, but those people, wanted to talk to me, so I talked to them. At the same time though, I was also often alone. My parents divorced when I was six years old, which left my brother and I to our own devices whenever we were not at church or there was no group in at camp. My parents still had to work.
I remember playing by myself often as a child. I would build elaborate forts out of driftwood on the beach, or wander through the forests surrounding the camp…you know, back in the days when children could wander more than 10 yards from an adult, unsupervised. Solitude became my friend, even more so as I entered high school and we moved out of my grandparents house, in to a small apartment. My mom worked long hours and while I often squatted in my friend, Sarah’s house (to whom I am very grateful), when it was time to go home, I was usually alone.
So here is what I think happened – I never noticed the discomfort in wanting to be alone because I had more than sufficient restorative time without having to discipline myself to separate myself from other people. It is only now that I am older and don’t have that alone time, that I recognize my need for it.
I just finished reading the book, Quiet by Susan Cain. Much of the book is devoted to validating introverted people in the North American workplace. The pages are filled with stories and examples of how introverts have either been overlooked because of their quiet demeanor or how they overcame their introverted tendencies so that their ideas and voices could be heard. But I think it is only the beginning of the conversation and there are a couple points that, to my dismay, Cain rushes through, without proper elaboration. One of these points is the idea of “soft power”. Cain talks about soft power for the individual but never articulates how it relates to the term that Joseph Nye institutionalized in his book Soft Power. I believe there is a critical link between the east vs. west dichotomy, that Cain points out and the Soft Power that Nye describes in his book. Instead, Cain, solely praises the Asian culture for their introverted values of study and silence. I would be interested in doing a comparison between two western countries in relation to how the introverted nature or extroverted nature of leaders has shaped our government, policies and resilience to recession, especially since Cain clearly faults the “Extroverts” for the economic collapse of the west.
Cain does not just write about business and the economy however, and I appreciated her chapter on parenting the introverted child. I feel that this chapter would be beneficial to both parents and educators. That being said, being an introverted parent myself, I also think it would have been helpful if she would have elaborated on how to balance being an introverted parent.
One more point of interest is Cain’s observations of introverts and extroverts in the context of conflict resolution otherwise known as marriage. I felt that I could glean much from this chapter because, while I, myself am an introvert, I fight like an extrovert. My husband, however, fights like an introvert and I admittedly plow him over with my loud logic driven arguments.
In summary, I felt that this was an enlightening exposé of introversion. I am sure that there are many introverts who still feel insecure, confused and self-conscious about their need for restoration outside of a social gathering, myself included. The North American culture tells me that I need more friends, or at least pretend to have an active social life but this book affirms that this is not the case. At first read, it may seem like she thinks introversion is the superior characteristic, but it is, after all, a book for the introverts about introversion and I can’t imagine many extroverts would find themselves sitting down to read it. But even if you are an extrovert yourself, I do recommend it. As Cain points out, opposites attract. This book is helpful to both introverts and extroverts in knowing how to understand each other, and how to adapt to any culture we might find ourselves in.
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