Ella’s Story- starting again….from the beginning: Part Two

When you have these thoughts all you want is for somebody to tell you that you are wrong – that everything is fine and it will be okay.

And that is exactly what they did.

I told Ben, I told my mom, I told the nurse, I told anyone who would listen but I don’t know if I told them just so that they could tell me that I was wrong or if I told them so that I wouldn’t look ignorant. And they all said the same thing, “no, she’s fine, she is beautiful.”

All except one.

One nurse, one medical professional out of the many who were there that night and the only person in that room who responded to my concern did, however tell me that babies with Down Syndrome have a single crease across their palm (a palmer crease). As I laid there, still on the birthing table, we uncurled her tiny fist. There it was – as clear as the line on her little pudgy hand.

I can’t remember what the nurse’s response was, but everybody continue to just assure me that everything was going to be fine. I recognize now, that they weren’t lying to me, even if they didn’t know she had Down Syndrome; everything was going to be fine.

I had a healthy, beautiful little girl. 

But that moment will forever be tainted in my memory. The joy of holding my baby girl will always be overshadowed by the suspicions I had from the moment I laid eyes on her and I wish I could go back and do it again. I wish that I, like everybody else in that room had never considered the possibility of Down Syndrome or rather, I wish that I had known what I know now – that raising a child with Down Syndrome is not a burden but a blessing. I wish I had known that the trials are and will be outweighed by the joy that Ella brings to everyday. And I wish that in that moment, I had the wisdom and the strength to give my whole heart, to the precious child of God I cradled in my arms…. without fear.

To be continued….