When Ella was born just under 19 months ago I remember thinking about what a tragic shame it was that the pure joy of holding my beautiful baby girl was overshadowed by lingering fear. I mourned the pure excitement of seeing for myself that it was the GIRL I had secretly hoped for. The beautiful moments of finally meeting this life that had grown inside me, the moments I had dreamed of for nine long months were tainted by a hunch, intuition, something not. quite. right. FEAR. Fear of the unknown. Fear of something I knew nothing about.
I live in that fear. And although I can honestly say that I am no longer afraid of having a child with Down Syndrome, I still fear that one day soon, I will find out that she has a life threatening condition that comes with the 47th chromosome. I fear that I will watch her run into the arms of Jesus. I fear that she will leave me.
The fear does not stop here though.
I live in fear of failure.
I live in fear of spite.
I live in fear of the wrath of God. I act out of defense against judgement instead of acting out of love.
And all this fear keeps me from fully enjoying the moments, the gifts, the blessings that have been given to me. This fear keeps me from being inspired, being moved by inspiration, it keeps me from inspiring others.
So this year….2011, I resolve to not live in fear.
This year I will not live in fear of the unknown but in the blessings of this ONE BEAUTIFUL LIFE
“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
-2 Timothy 1:7
This year I will love with a pure and holy love.
I will be thankful.
I will give praise.
I will see the beauty within and throughout.
and I will inspire and be inspired.