Confession: I have been a bit of a baby lately. I know, shocker. I caught myself last Thursday and then again on Saturday. I hate Thursdays. Thursdays are the new Tuesdays. I always dreaded Tuesdays when we lived in Vancouver. Tuesdays were Choir and Soccer days – soccer, you know, where I would try to nurse Audrey and chase Ella around the field, often at the same time.
Here, Thursdays are Violin and Ballet days, except this past Thursday we had a hockey game to top it off. I am sure I looked like a complete circus act as I carted around Audrey and tried to wrangle Ella…not to mention carry a diaper bag, hockey equipment, and whatever else we needed for the afternoon. Then I did it again on Saturday – hockey game followed by the market where Ella’s Girl Guide troop was selling cookies. I am sure the other parents were mumbling under their breath, “who the H-E-double hockey sticks let a baby and an out-of-control child into the dressing room?” Needless to say, at some point this week I lost it. I kicked and screamed (okay, not really, but behavior more similar than I would like to admit). I threw a tantrum. I was tired of doing it by myself. I didn’t sign up to do it by myself. I didn’t expect to have to take the girls on my own to so many hockey practices or games before the sun even came up.
I thought about Cambridge…as I often do and wondered why is life so different? Why does life suck so much compared to Cambridge when everyday was a blessing and an adventure? Step back. Pause. But it doesn’t suck. Okay, no, we’re not in Cambridge, and yes, my kids are in a different stage of life, but life doesn’t suck.
Ella is dancing. She has been welcomed into a dance studio and has the opportunity to dance with typical peers. This past Thursday was parent viewing week, and friends, she is doing brilliantly.
Jakob gets to play hockey. It was part of the Edmonton deal – “When in Rome” right? And he is loving it. This past weekend he played goalie and had a shut out. I love to watch him play and see just how much he has improved since August.
They are both so fortunate. And Audrey, well, while she does get carted around a lot, she does not lack for attention. So what is different?
It sounds odd, but I thought my life was going to end when our time in Cambridge came to a close and we moved away. Okay, not really, but that is how I lived each day. I knew life was going to be rough for a while after Cambridge and so each day, I lived as if I only had that day. If I felt tempted to clean my house, I would think, Why bother? It will be there tomorrow. Why would I not go get a coffee and then spend hours in Heffers, or taking photographs of the College grounds or go to the Library?
I lived out the Fish philosophy without having to think about it. Ever since I was introduced to the Fish philosophy I have carried it with me as a life guide. It consists of four simple principals birthed by a company down at Pike’s Place Market in Seattle – you know, the guys who throw fish. It is used for corporate training but I find, applies to all areas of life.
I can’t think about what is next, or the hell I’ve come through. I just need to be in the moment. As I watch Ella dancing, laughing, smiling, I need to be in that moment, because it is beautiful and if I’m not, I’ll miss it.
Choose Your Attitude
Sometimes, we like to adopt a “martyr complex” or a “victim complex” to get sympathy. Poor me. I do this a lot. This type of attitude is even more tempting when things are not all rosy because you feel justified but it still doesn’t make it right. I can choose to be thankful – some days it takes more emotional energy than others, but it is still my choice.
Make Their Day
Why is it that we go so out of our way to impress near strangers and yet often treat those closest to us as if they owe us something? I know that I, myself, often forget my manners when conversing with my children and my husband let alone, go out of my way to make their day but I find that even taking the time to consider what might make their day in the first place is an effective way to stop focusing on my own plight.
Why not, right? I struggle with this one. I am not a “fun” person. You know those moms who have dance parties in their kitchens? Yeah, that’s not me. Having fun doesn’t always mean laughing until your gut hurts. Sometimes it just means not having a giant stick up my butt: letting loose. Maybe that means letting Jakob rub his sweaty little head all over me after a game (seriously, so gross but he loves doing it).