and then immediately dissipated as soon as my feet hit the floor. Our souls have worn thin from years of disappointment, rejection and unanswered prayers. And as of late, as trivial as it sounds, this Teacher’s strike has caused even more grief. This week I had to withdraw from two graduate classes I was previously enrolled in and let’s just not talk about how much work I have said no to or just not gotten done because instead of having 9 am – 3 pm to think like an adult, I have been with my children 24-7 attempting to homeschool them, work around them, and subsequently, try to compensate for neglecting them.
Let’s just say, gratitude needed much cultivating today.
It’s not that I don’t like spending time with my children…it’s all I did in Cambridge and it was wonderful… But I also didn’t have any other responsibilities…
**The words of gratitude elude me today…I struggle even as I write**
I guess what I want to say is that without me finally breaking down and realizing everything I took on last spring was too much, and without my “real job” really not working out and without this ridiculous teacher’s strike, which has kept my children from attending school for a month I would have never said no to all the things that I have and I would still be resentful and I would still be tired and I would still have no time to spend with my children, watching them play and grow and love.
Today, I’m grateful for forced retirement…
now if I could just get my head about me and actually enjoy it, instead of feeling guilty all the time.