Somewhere along the way I lost sight of something. I lost sight of who I am. I became distracted by what I thought other people wanted me to be, by what the world defines as success and by the fear of failure. It’s like I drank the Kool-Aid and have woken up in a drunken stupor unsure of where I am or who I am. I followed my wallet instead of following my heart.
I don’t know what it is like for you, but for me, time to digest life is essential to my well being – time to savour, time to reflect, time to give thanks, time to dream, time to set goals, time to set priorities.
This summer and this autumn, I am going to commit to returning to the core of who I am – the person God has called me to be. It’s not flashy, yet it’s not prudent, pragmatic or practical either. The person God has called me to be is rooted in what I know to be true. The person God has called me to be pursues truth, fights for the oppressed, studies, writes, communes, shares, loves.
Years ago, like most angst-ridden teenagers, I wrote poetry. One line keeps running through my head,
“When was it I slipped from your grace or was it me that failed to hold on.”
I haven’t fully unpacked this. I probably never will. That being said, I think the error lies in thinking that while I do struggle in the valley, I have slipped from grace.
There is so much more to say on my journey as of late….soon enough, I suppose. Until then, I leave you with this song. It’s one of those songs I keep coming back to time and time again and describes so accurately so many chapters of my life. Thank you for journeying with me…
This is a valley that I’m walking through
and it feels like forever since I’ve been close to you.
My friends up above me don’t understand why I struggle like I do.
The shadow’s my only, only companion and at night he leaves too.
Down in the valley dying of thirst
Now down in the valley it seems that I’m at my worst.
My consolation is that you baptize this Earth.
I’m down in the valley, valleys fill first.
Down in this wasteland I miss the mountaintop view
But it’s here in this valley that I’m surrounded by you.
Though i’m not here by my will it’s where your view is most clear
So I’ll stay in this valley if it takes forty years.
and it feels like forever since I’ve been close to you.
My friends up above me don’t understand why I struggle like I do.
The shadow’s my only, only companion and at night he leaves too.
Down in the valley dying of thirst
Now down in the valley it seems that I’m at my worst.
My consolation is that you baptize this Earth.
I’m down in the valley, valleys fill first.
Down in this wasteland I miss the mountaintop view
But it’s here in this valley that I’m surrounded by you.
Though i’m not here by my will it’s where your view is most clear
So I’ll stay in this valley if it takes forty years.
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