Confessions of an Introverted Parent

When I was in highschool, I remember sitting in my empty apartment alone, watching Dawson’s creek or listening to Vince Guaraldi and painting my nails. I tried to play the extrovert, in fact, I was pretty good at it. I was active in youth group, had friends and went to a party or two, but the reality was that I was happiest alone or with one of my two best friends, who also liked to do introverted things like watching a hockey game at home, or going to a play.

In college, I never did well with roommates. My first year, I was always up and out before my roommate woke up and she was usually in bed when I returned. Second year, I would spend Friday nights cleaning my house, listening to Norah Jones and it would drive me batty when my room mate would come home and start clicking away on the computer. I liked to be alone. I liked silence or at most, soft music.

I always speculated why I was never quite like my peers. But now that I am older I understand – I am an introvert.

I like quiet. I like being by myself and that’s okay.

But becoming a parent is a game changer.

I guess it would be for an extrovert as well since your chances to get out of the house are fewer. But as an introvert, you long for stillness. You long for time to recharge. And from my experience, a six-year-old and a four-year-old don’t seem to understand this.

I am fortunate, in that both my children are very good at playing by themselves, aren’t super loud and need their downtime too. Ella is more of an introvert than Jakob but both are balanced. But no matter how well they have behaved or how long they have gone without a “Mommy, I need milk,” or “Mommy, I need toast,” or “Mommy, Ella hit me,” once they are asleep there is a giant exhale. Silence is golden.

Maybe this is part of the reason I loved Cambridge so much. There was so much time to just be quiet. I had no commitments, one friend, Jakob was in school and Ella still took naps. I think it is also why it makes me such an ideal candidate to be a musician’s wife – night after night of alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ben. I love spending time with Ben, but I also like to be alone.

The next book I think I will read is Quiet. Because sometimes trying to figure out how to maneuver life as an introverted parent can be difficult.

Other introverts, (because I know you are out there) how do you decompressed with you are with your little ones 24/7?