I had written a post. It was amazing. “Some of your best work yet” my husband said. I wanted to save it and publish it this morning, being Monday, because it is bloggy rush hour and I knew it would get a lot of traffic but when I went to post it, it was gone. Not the post itself, I couldn’t have deleted the post because the title was still there but the content…not a word. And blogger autosaves! I have no idea what happened but when it wasn’t there, I got teary eyed. I felt like Hemingway when all of his manuscripts were stolen off a train except that no one stole my one petty blog post, which had no potential for monetary compensation and now I have no motivation to try and re-write it. The moment has passed. It wouldn’t be as the same. It wouldn’t be as good.
But do you know what I thought after I was sure that it was gone? I want to write something that is worth losing. It was just a blog post about how strange my life is. It wouldn’t have made me any money, made me famous or otherwise enriched the world at all. I feel so small and insignificant and I feel like my writing is trivial. Losing my post made me realize just how much I want to write something that I would consider a great tragedy to lose. Something really amazing, life-changing, paradigm shaking…..maybe one day.