Home, Bloom And My Baby’s Blues

On Tuesday, it will be exactly three months until we fly “home”. But where home will be, is still unknown. 

Ends are a different reality when there is no beginning to look forward to and this is the case for us. There is the lingering fear that come the end of July we will be unemployed and homeless…again. While we have a plan B, we hope for the best. We hope for opportunity, and we hope for a place that we can call home in a community where we can make life long friends, where my kids can make life long friends and where Ben can thrive, personally and professionally. I dream of a house that can create memories, facilitate gatherings of friends new and old and be a sanctuary. A place we can call our own- make our own.

I try not to invest too heavily in any prospect for fear of disappointment but it’s hard and I have to catch myself picturing the moving van pulling into the house I have already scoped out and picked paint colours for. Then other times, I feel peace and I know it is because of those who pray on behalf of our family. So thank you, whoever you are.

We have always taken the road less travelled and at times, it can be lonely. I am understanding this even more as I read Bloom. I will write more about it later but let’s just say, while Kelle Hampton has produced a beautiful book that has and will touch many people, she and I are very different people and sometimes I need to remind myself that that is okay.

Living in England has been very liberating for that reason. I am free to be who I am without judgement. I am moody and introspective, I prefer tea and a good book to dance parties and beer and I didn’t wish Ella away when she was born, I didn’t feel she stole any happiness and I didn’t sob but then again, I didn’t have hoards of people visiting me and don’t have thousands of followers, so what does that say? So much… which maybe I will share about… one day.

Lots going on. Lots of thoughts. Lots to love and be excited about and lots of fear and insecurities too. A bit heavy for a Sunday night but tomorrow is the start of a new week. Jakob goes back to school and Ella has an Opthalmology appointment followed by Early support and the Paediatric Orthopaedic clinic on Tuesday. 

Aaahhh, routine, I find comfort in the constant rhythm of life. How about you? Do you find comfort in routine, or do you find it suffocating and confining? What beauty are you looking forward to this week?….besides these beautiful blues of course 🙂