I am wearing a watch that doesn’t tick. I found it today as I was sorting through my junk drawer. It needs a new battery and has for some time now – we’re talking probably in the ball park of two years. I put it on so as not to loose it, thinking it would probably come in handy whilst in Cambridge…even though I have managed to do without it during what has turned out to be the busiest season of my life thus far. The argument in my head had something to do with the fact that I wouldn’t have my cell phone to reference the time and therefore would need something. That being said, one of the reason Cambridge is so appealing to me is my complete lack of responsibility outside of the home and a less vigorous schedule.
The watch is just one of many things that I can’t seem to part with along with my 3-hole punch and travel mug. Since last week packing is proving much more challenging than anticipated. I need to consider what I am willing to sell so as to donate the proceeds to “The Fund”, what I will need in the next five months leading up to departure and then what I esteem a necessity for the next year of my…not to mention my husband’s and my children’s life. Oh yes, and then there is what just needs to go altogether.
The countdown is on until we need to be out of our house. 16 days, four of which I will be away. And between now and then a garage sale needs to happen, Mendelssohn’s Psalm 42 will be performed twice not including rehearsals, we will bury my Nana’s ashes bidding farewell to earthly life, my father’s 65th birthday will be celebrated in style – all this in the midst of a still very busy everydayness. The days fade quicker than I’d like and yet, much like my watch, time stands still.
You see, overshadowing the sense of awe that will be infused into a simple walk to the market by centuries old architecture and breathe-taking scenery there is the hesitation of disbelief. Cambridge seems but a dream – something you romance about while driving through the blank white prairies in winter, not a reality for which you pack up your life and two small children for. It is something you read about in a book or watch in a movie and feels all too “Revolutionary Road”ish. The excitement is smothered by a fear that something will go wrong: Ben will not be accepted into a college, visas will not come through or funding will fall short.
Everyday, we check anxiously, as we did up until an offer of acceptance was made to see if a college has also offered him a place.
This whole experience has been, what we thought to be a crapshoot. When discussing schools there were the obvious options: UBC and U of A. Then we thought it best if Ben also applied to a school in the States and his dream school: Cambridge. We never dreamed that he would even be considered. Ben was reluctant to even think that he would be offered a place at any university let alone be offered scholarships or assistantships.
Time stood still as we waited for replies, the first one being from UBC: presenting a very competitive offer and a personal expression of admiration for Ben from the director of both the program and of the Board of Graduate studies.
The second letter came from the University of Alberta stating they had recommending Ben for acceptance and then a third letter confirming his acceptance.
And while both options seemed appealing Ben wanted to be sure he had all of the pieces to make and informed decision. Finally in February, much to his surprise (this is an understatement) he received word that he had been recommended for acceptance by the faculty at the University of Cambridge.
And time stood still….
After about a month, we assured ourselves that UBC was the best option and were convinced that it was where God was leading. He had provided an acceptance with as much financial help as we could have hoped for, a good support system and sufficient resources for the kids. I began investigating jobs and considering housing.
And time stood still…until on April 6th Ben was offered a conditional acceptance (all offers are conditional to a number of items including financial undertaking, acceptance of the offer, acceptance to a college and a criminal record check).
Oh how one’s interpretation of the will of God can change immediately with that one special piece of the puzzle.
We gave it due time and prayer and did a complete 180. It is one of those stages of life that you feel like you are watching on an old time film strip. Surreal. But it is this surreal nature that discourages 100% buy-in. Dreaming is easy when there is nothing on the line, nothing to risk, nothing to lose…….to be continued…..
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