Every once and a while I will write a post that I think only the grandparents will find of any value: updates on the kids, pictures and the general play by play of our rather ordinary lives in a not-so-ordinary place. But then I end up getting a tonne of comments and exponentially more views and I am dumbfounded and undeserving. It never ceases to amaze me how God speaks through the mundane. Thank you. Thank you for your encouragement and reminding me that God can speak through me even though I am far away, even though I am not perfect, even though I am unqualified.
I am blessed. I am blessed because if you want to know a little secret…I LOVE blogging.
But here is the catch: as a friend of mine put it today in an email,
“I was thinking how the blog world is a powerful tool for many of us mothers. We can read things that encourage, inspire and spur us on to continue in our path of beautiful woman and motherhood. But, they can also give a false ideal of perfection and everyone else’s togetherness. Sadly, as hard as I try to just be me, I still hear from people who think that I am super woman who is fulfilling all the facets possible as a mother. I know that in some ways we all see/hear what we want to so I choose to keep blogging as me as best I can.”
All of this so very timely since yesterday I lost it. I lost my temper, I lost my grace and I lost myself as I yelled at my two and half year old to “GO. TO. SLEEP!” Thankfully, Ben came and traded off as I collapsed in a pool of tears, frantically searching for the reset button. Exhaustion-1 Krista-0.
We all have those moments….don’t we?
I do, especially when I am tired and sick. I spent the rest of the day, fighting tears, eyes burning, nose raw finding every possible distraction from hot chocolate to a trip to the library to just get through the day until Ben came home, once again, after the kids were in bed. No thought to cross my mind was edifying nor uplifting, so, for the most part, I tried to just keep my mouth shut and when the coast was clear drew a lavender bath, ate the rest of my dark chocolate bar (which usually lasts the week) and climbed into bed to dream of my happy place.
This is me.
I just need you to know that
Continually seeking forgiveness,
Continually striving for holiness…