On Beans...

Confession (wow! This week is just full of confessionals): I have never had broad beans.

I didn't know what they were until they arrived in my veg box this week. I was skeptical and unsure as to what to do with them. So I turned to the Abel and Cole Cookbook and Voila!

Garlicky Broad Bean Salad

What's in it?
1 1/2 mugs of broad beans (as broad beans like plenty of pod space, this means you'll nee about 4 large handfuls of pods)
2 stalks of celery
1 large tomato (I used cherry tomatoes because that is what I had)
1 handful of fresh basil, stems removed, chopped
a few springs of flat-leaf parsley, stems removed chopped, chopped

The Dressing:
1-2 garlic cloves, minced
juice of 1/2 a lemon
glug of olive oil
salt and freshly ground pepper

Remove beans from their cozy pods and simmer in salted water for about 5 minutes. Drain and then run cold water over them for 30 seconds or so.
Combine salad ingredients together in a bowl, and add the beans. Mix the dressing ingredients together well and mix with the bean salad. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
Yummmm!

Excuse the sub-par pictures...my f/1.4 broke...again...

On books...."Are You Online?"

Confession: I love the movie You've Got Mail. I own two VHS's of it and used to put it on while I was cleaning the house. I had the whole thing memorized so I could listen to the soundtrack and watch the movie play in my head while I scrubbed toilets and so-on.

Look, the reason I came into your store is that I was spending the day with Annabel and Matt. 

 I like to buy them a present when I see them because I'm one of those guys who likes to buy his way 

into the hearts of children who are his relatives.  There was only one place to buy children's books in 

the neighbourhood -- although that will not always be the case, and it was yours, and it is a charming

little bookstore. You probably sell $250,000 worth of books a year --

How do you know that?

I'm in the book business.

I'm in the book business --

Oh, I see, and we're the Price Club. Only instead of a ten-gallon vat of olive oil for $3.99 that won't 

even fit under your kitchen cabinet, we sell cheap books.  Me, a spy.

Absolutely.  And I managed to get my hands on a secret printout of the sales figures of a bookstore so 

inconsequential and yet full of its own virtue that I was instantly compelled to rush over and check it 

out for fear it would drive me out of business.

Can't you just see it? Kathleen standing there, knife in hand, speechless until Frank comes to her rescue. Maybe it's the fact that it takes place in New York and is about a quaint little children's bookshop or perhaps its the language they use like, bouquets of sharpened pencils. Either way, it pulls at my heart strings until they finally meet in Riverside Park. Elizabeth Benet and her Mr. Darcy.

Remember the opening credits? The sound of dialling, and a modem humming away? It seems decades ago. And yet, we could all see her point as stores like Chapters and Barnes and Nobel started to take over the landscape - small independents slowly fading away without notice. Fast forward 14 years and now even those big box stores are being threatened with the invention of Kindles and e-books. 

What is to become of printed books? Will my children even know the euphoric smell of a freshly cracked book, pages crisp with ink that has barely had time to dry? Or books that hold the smell of musty cellars and back corners of attacks - classics like Winnie-the-Pooh with ink-tipped illustrations. I was unable to articulate my feelings towards literature's technological turn until yesterday when I read this article.

Just last week I was saying that I bought an audio book to listen to while I made supper (on a side note: my War And Peace was severely abridged....so disappointing) and while it is not quite an e-book it is worth considering the impact of such a purchase on the quaint little book shops that I love so dearly. 
Not only that but I am admittedly an Amazon junky. And why not? For Mother's day I bought my mother and my mother-in-law A Good and Perfect Gift on Amazon, used, for a penny. Sure I had to pay for shipping but it was still cheaper than buying them in a book store. And I didn't buy them because they were a penny, it just happened to be the price on the book that I wanted. It's not the first time I have used Amazon, nor will it be the last, but they definitely drive a hard bargain and the cost of books (printed books and e-books alike) will only go down with time as more competitors come out to play.
So, where do we go from here? Do all bookstores face the same inevitable fate? What do you think? 


Great, now I need to go and rent You've Got Mail. Seriously. The truths become more profound with time....So Good!


Post-Edit: Ben asked me why I was thinking about You've Got Mail. I told him that I got thinking about the fate of books yesterday when I read the above mentioned article and, of course, the movie came to mind. The reason he asked is because Nora Ephron, the director of You've Got Mail  and When Harry Met Sally died yesterday. You can read about some of her achievements here.

On Solitude....

I long for solitude.

And yet,

I fear it.

I will be the first person to live in community but have never fared well with roommates.

I long for silence and yet need the presence of another to keep me safe.

Solitude is complicated.

I need solitude to let my thoughts percolate

And yet, when I my mind is given too much time, it becomes my worst enemy giving into melancholic temptations.

As a mother, I am never quite alone and yet I feel so lonely.

As a wife, I am a musician's widow and I long to see more of my husband but get far more done when he isn't there.

We can't afford to go Paris again as a family. Ben said I should go by myself.

It's complicated.

Les Mis, Lyres, Linus and Lucy...

My soul is feeling the need to blog and yet there is so much going on in my head that has not yet settled into order. This seems natural and obvious as I am still waiting to find out what my life will look like come August. I long for the day when I can look back and tell you all about the journey and assure you that everything will be okay, because I will know from experience.

Right now, my life strongly resembles a jigsaw puzzle, which pains me a little bit to say because I am sure some insightful truth lies in the fact that I love doing puzzles. The only problem is that I don't have the box with the picture to guide me on the front. Like all puzzles, there are many pieces, some of which are edge pieces that keep it all within the boundaries, others are full of detail while yet others comprise the sky and are just one blue piece out of many others that you know all must fit together somehow.

Here are some of the pieces...in no particular order:

CAN. NOT. WAIT

As of late, my saving grace has been my graduate course. In the evenings, whilst Ben is studying or like tonight, when he is out preparing for his recital, my course keeps me occupied. Instead of sitting on the computer searching for jobs (for him), or places to live, or schools to send my kids to (all of which would just freak me out and is COMPLETELY unnecessary) I read and I read and I read and then I right a review and then I start reading again, because that is what history students do. But its okay, because I love it. This past Saturday, I had a chance to go to the University of Cambridge Library. I even got myself a library card so that I could go and do some research in the Rare Books Room. This may sound completely dull to you but for me its like being a little kid in a candy shop. This week I devoured the proceedings and resolutions from the Anti-Slavery Convention from 1840!!! Me! I got to read a publication that is older than Canada itself people! No, no history buffs out there...okay, onto the next puzzle piece...

I spent far too much on a new bottle of nail polish today but I think I actually like it better than Privacy Please: OPI You Callin' Me a Lyre?


I found this guy on the internet and just love the idea...it makes me smile anyway.

After a major emotional melt down on Wednesday I had a little pep talk from one of my aunts. Everyone needs aunts like I have. They are always there to speak truth into my life and while my mom is my ever constant cheerleader, my aunts often tell me the things I don't want to hear but need to hear. She talked about, how in her dark days, she found it helpful to listen to podcasts of sermons and whatnot just to be getting the Word in. She also talked about Kay Arthur's When the Hurt Runs Deep: Healing and Hope for Life's Desperate Moments. To be honest, my time is limited for leisure reading but I found the audio version of this book and I listen to it while I am in the kitchen getting meals ready and then cleaning up...goodness knows I spend enough at the sink. I am not saying it has to be this book (I'll let you know what I think of it when I am done) but the idea of listening to an audiobook while in the kitchen was a bit revolutionary to me. In fact, tonight I also downloaded War and Peace because I had started it in the winter and put it down for too long so forgot all the characters' names and who's who....
Point being: audio books while cooking supper....think about it.

And one last piece of the puzzle: I admitted to my friend here in Cambridge that I am a Jazz fan. It came up while exchanging texts. I quoted a line from an Ella and Louis song and she had no idea what I was talking about so spilled the beans and she, like a good friend, googled it to find out for herself. She said wanted a mix tape but would settle for a blogged top ten. So here it is:

10. I've Got You Under My Skin by Frank Sinatra
9. Lovelight By Michael Kaeshammer Okay, yes I have posted this video before and Michael is more boogie Woogie than jazz but I love him.
8. Dance Me To The End Of Love by Madeleine Peyroux I wanted to give you a modern jazz diva. Give this Canadian Girl a try.
7. The Way You Look Tonight by Harry Connick Jr. yes, I love him too. Why? The guy is freaking talented! Did you know he writes, orchestrates and conducts must of his own music?! Plus, not too bad looking either I might add.
6. But Not For Me by Billie Holiday
5. Favourite Things By John Coltrane
4. Linus and Lucy- by Vince Guaraldi. Everything he does is SO good. I typed a few others before settling on this song only because everyone knows it best. His Christmas album is obviously a must as well.
3. Old Folks by Miles Davis. Really you just need to own the whole Album Love Songs. Light some candles, pour some wine and enjoy.
2. They Can't Take That Away From Me: Ella and Louis (the best duo in history)
1. Somewhere over the Rainbow - this is a truly awful recording but Ella does it best. It was our wedding song. It's not really a wedding song, more like a funeral song but I don't care. Get it off of the Pure Ella album: Best. Album. Ever!

(Wow! That proved harder than I thought it would be. So many good ones.)

I hope you enjoy. What are your jazz favourites?

Book Review: A Good And Perfect Gift By Amy Julia Becker

When a book does not have pictures, the author is forced, instead, to paint a picture with her words. She must take time to notice every little detail and articulate it - this is exactly what Amy Julia Becker does in A Good and Perfect Gift, in which she recounts the first years of her daughter, Penny's life in light of God's faithfulness. So often throughout this book I felt myself nodding in agreement with Amy Julia's words and thoughts while at the same time, challenged and encouraged by her spiritual journey. In my own dark and desperate times, there were instances when I knew that her words were from God, for me, prompting me to turn to same scripture passages that spoke truth into her life.

Perhaps the truth that resonated most and seems to be a prominent theme in the Down Syndrome community is the truth about perfection. Closing off chapter 10 Amy Julia tells of how she interrupted Penny's massage time to find the passage in the Bible, where Jesus says, "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect." Her candid thoughts follow,

"Jesus must have known that we would never be perfect, if by 'perfect' He meant without flaw, without needs, without hurts or wants. It was counterintuitive, even, to try to be just like God." 

So like any good Princeton Seminary student she turns straight to her Greek dictionary only to discover that the word used is telos. She explains that while it could be translated as "perfect", it could also be translated as "wholeness, completion, the end for which you were created."

Perhaps I can't relate to Amy Julia's 4.0 GPA or sense of balance but I do know, just like her, that worldly perfection is nothing without the love of God. And that God's idea of perfection is much different than our own. 

In the chapters that follow Amy Julia shares about the healing she experienced alongside and through Penny's progress. And while it was hard for me to read and (subconsciously…or not so subconsciously) compare Ella's abilities with Penny's, I acknowledged and appreciated the joy she felt in being Penny's mom - seeing that Penny was more the same than different and recognizing God's goodness in her life.

Each story is different just as each parent responds differently to their child's different challenges and abilities. This is just one. But what sets Amy Julia's story apart is that she does not make it solely about her, or even about Penny, but rather God's redemptive work through them each and together.

"Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good an perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures."

-James 1:16-18

Ella's Birthday in Photos

Happy Birthday Ella!!!

We started the morning off right with chocolate chip pancakes and presents. Of course, her brother was eager to help and she was thrilled with her gifts.

In lieu of a party we decided to go to the SeaLife Aquarium in London. This was a great idea and at the same time a completely stupid one given it was half term break and half of London was there. We were almost to the ticket counter after an hour long queue and little miss birthday girl fell asleep. I was heart broken because I knew that she would have loved it. Oh, well, there is always the Vancouver Aquarium which in my opinion is better, just not in a ridiculously old building. Jakob however, had a marvellous time, and I LOVED watching him race from window to window taking it all in.

She woke up just in time to see the gift shop and the strategically placed McDonalds which you enter upon exiting the aquarium, so guess what we had for lunch....picnic style...on the floor. The weather was atrocious - gusting winds and intermittent rain, but you gotta roll with it right. Normally I wouldn't but since it was Ella's birthday I decided to let loose a little so it was chicken nuggets of the floor and then over to Hamley's Toy store. I thought we might have to leave Ella there, but we eventually managed to pry her from the toy strollers on the third floor and make it out the door unscathed.

It's hard to believe that just a year ago she was  two, a toddler just getting steady on her feet and now she is an independent little girl ready to conquer the world.

To My Dear Ella On Your Third Birthday

Dear Ella,

Tomorrow you will turn three years old. Oh, how time has flown by. My mind naturally goes back to the night that you were born. I knew something was different and I knew that that difference would bring us closer together.

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what the journey ahead was going to look like but I knew that you were a gift from God, given to me, for however long he granted, and for that, I was and am thankful.

So I took your tiny hand in mine and trusted you, and trusted God when he whispered in a still small voice It is going to be okay. Little did I know what okay would look like, nor could I have fathomed that we would not just be okay, but we would be happy, and joyful, and content.

You see, I was used to the highway. Racing along beside other cars, trying to get ahead, focused on the road, watching for my exit. But you. Well, you were taking me on a detour. I hesitated at the time we would lose but you insisted it would be worth it. And you were right.

As we drove, we followed the ocean tide as it etched out the coastline, along high nerve-wracking cliffs where the waves crashed against the sturdy earth beating a comforting rhythm. We strolled through groves of ancient cedars where we stopped and looked up into the trees that seem to reach to the heavens and dreamt of flying like the eagles who made their nests away from a world of predators. We laid down in green pastures where you taught me patience and how to rest in God's peace and when the rain beat down we found a warm fire to sit by as we waited out the storm.

No, our  journey has definitely not been what I imagined, but then again, I could have never imagined such beauty, such grace or such joy.

And I know I am not the only benefactor, for you have touched so many with your generous smile, sun-lit eyes and free grace.

You are growing up to be an amazing little girl.
You are independent and want to do everything yourself as your proclaim, "I do, I do".
You are fun, constantly wanting to play with your big brother, wrestle with Daddy, or sing songs with Mommy.
You are inquisitive and love looking at books, exploring new places and trying new things.
You are stubborn and know exactly what you want and communicate it well.
And you are loving. You always have hugs and kisses to give freely. You love to cuddle and it just melts this mommy's heart when I sit down beside you on the couch and you casually take my hand to hold.

You are more than I could have ever asked for Ella Bella.
I am privileged to be your Mommy. Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Open Road

On Being Present

I had a good day today.

It's been far too long since I have been able to say that. I have been consumed by future plans....or lack thereof and have found it difficult to enjoy the present but that's just it, I haven't been present.
Do you know the guys that throw fish at Seattle's Pike Place market? Anyone who has been there knows what I am talking about. Well, did you know that they have a entire training program centred around the FISH! philosophy? I had to go through it when I worked in banking and one of the practices was "Be There". They say being emotionally present for people sends a powerful message of respect and it improves communication as well as strengthens relationships...and don't I know it. I had this one client who would come in weekly (minimum) and talk to me for a good hour (minimum). He was a gentle old man with Parkinson's so he was extremely difficult to understand but I knew that he didn't have family near, probably didn't get out much, let alone have someone to listen to him, even if it was about his investments and basically needed a reason to leave his house.
This principle resonates with me still and lately, I have not been there - for my children or myself, leaving me feeling completely inadequate, especially when it comes to Ella and drained because I have not given myself the liberty I need to nurture the other parts of my mind, heart and body. It's a fine balancing act that I think many of us struggle with on an ongoing basis. But tonight, as I was listening to Ella and Louis, sipping my glass of red and doing dishes, it dawned on me - I was happy, I was content. I wasn't thinking about what next year would bring or next month, I was in the moment enjoying two of my favourite things (you can make your own assumptions as to which they were).

This morning, Ben gave me some time first thing in the morning and I finished my first out of 5 book reviews due for my course and a week ahead of schedule to boot. It felt good and I was finished and ready to head downtown by 11am. And while I didn't really want to go anywhere for fear it would start pouring (as forecasted) the moment I stepped outside, I slapped on my default outfit (wellies, cardigan and jeans) and played along. Ben went and spent his birthday money on a scarf in his college colours. It was revealed at this point that a little boy had been promised his certain favourite restaurant, second only to sushi. After lunch we went to the local bookstore to meander (my favourite thing) and then over to Patisserie Valerie for a cappuccino and piece of chocolate cake. On the way back to our bikes which were parked under the mall, we took a detour on the elevator up to the sixth floor of the parkade. Obviously, we have never been up there because we have never had a car to park, but Ben peaked out to see what he could see, and this is what he found.

 It wasn't a special day, we didn't do anything out of the ordinary, or go anywhere different I just let myself be present. If only everyday, I could follow my own advise and truly be present - be present in my time with Ella, my time with Jakob and with my husband, be present in my studying and in my work and be present in the times I have for myself. Often when I am given time to myself, I leave the door open or will tend to the kids as they need it because I never want them to feel like I am unavailable (but if I am available, they will always come to me first as opposed to Daddy) and then my time is never really my time and that's not right either.

Do you find it a challenge to be completely present? In what situations or with whom? What do you do to focus yourself?

I think I am going to make this my goal for the summer. To Be There. Do you have a summer goal? Maybe consider the FISH! Philosophy's other 3 main practices. They were created for the business world but I find they are very translatable into other aspects of life:

Play

Make Their Day

Choose Your Attitude

Have a great week! Oh, and Happy Diamond Jubilee!

On Being British

I am British...a little bit. Essentially, I am the typical British Columbian melting pot, meaning a little bit of British and a little bit of Chinese but mostly just Canadian. So when it comes to understanding the British...well, I just don't, except for perhaps their humour - give me Pink Panther,  Get Smart or Wallace and Gromit and I will be peeing myself laughing. I don't know why they keep asking me if I am okay...don't I look okay? Or why they keep inviting me to tea and I have yet to have tea at the house of a Briton.

But even though I may never actually be real-life friends with a British person I have to say that in the weeks leading up to the Diamond Jubilee I have been proud to be a part of the commonwealth. Queen Elizabeth II really is an incredible woman and the whole country has seem to come together, put the Eurozone crises aside, and rallied around what they believe to be the greatest monarch to ever live. And while we didn't make it into London we showed a little patriotism anyway...Cambridge style.

Things I will miss about Britain:

1. The Scenery
2. The Architecture
3. Self-rising flour
5. The Bicycle culture
6. The History
7. Being in a nucleus of scientific, historical and intellectual advancement.
8. Tomato paste in a tube
9. The overabundance of books about underpants
10. Marks and Spencer
11. Being close to Paris
12. Pebble Beaches
13. Jakob's school
14. My friends...none of whom are British.
15. The Pubs
16. Evensong
17. Everything else I forgot to mention

Apparently, all around England people were having street parties where they close off the street and create big tables...
I have to do this when I get where ever I'm going!

And now, the many faces of Jakob...

Man, I love that crazy kid!