I long for solitude.
And yet,
I fear it.
I will be the first person to live in community but have never fared well with roommates.
I long for silence and yet need the presence of another to keep me safe.
Solitude is complicated.
I need solitude to let my thoughts percolate
And yet, when I my mind is given too much time, it becomes my worst enemy giving into melancholic temptations.
As a mother, I am never quite alone and yet I feel so lonely.
As a wife, I am a musician's widow and I long to see more of my husband but get far more done when he isn't there.
We can't afford to go Paris again as a family. Ben said I should go by myself.
It's complicated.
8 comments:
I'm sorry you can't all go together. Are you going to go? I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a weekend alone somewhere, but then I think of how much I would miss my little girl. I figured out that I have never spent a single night away from her since she was about 3 months old and I had to go on a work trip for 2 days. I am happy to just be able to close the bathroom door and pee in peace sometimes. :-)
Did that sound weird?
Encouraging thoughts from Paul & Timothy to those whose names are written in the book of life...Philippians 4:4-9
By the way, Levi took a look at the photo of Jakob and promptly stated that he wanted to go to 'Jakob's house'! Someday, my boy...someday (hopefully sooner than later).
Love you guys!
Go. These opportunities are rare. A weekend won't leave you in solitude for too long, but will be just long enough to dust away some cobwebs and refocus and prepare for the next leg of the journey.
It would be scary to go alone, yet it could be invigerating. Try it! You may find a whole new you! Paris is still on my list. I've only made it to the airport, and that just doesn't count!
I completely understand what you mean...those feelings become a tad less intense as the kids grow older but I still feel that way sometimes;) don't go just because it's an opportunity because in our type of middle class life there always will be some form of opportunity... Go with your heart. If you can be content spending the last of your time with your little family in England than do that without guilt or remorse. If you will regret not going to Paris then go for awhile. Either decision is making the most of life. Either decision is lOving in a different way. Don't feel guilt or pressure to shoulds...just live well regardless.
David had a heart after Gods yet he was one of the most emotional characters prone to anxiety, feelings of loneliness and depression while other times he rejoiced. I think God must have valued his ability to be real, vulnerable and honest ... As well as a heart of expression in the flawed state of being made in Gods wide mysterious emotional image. I could take every word in this post as my own and that is what I love about it. It's true and pure to give voice to your conflict ions. I know you will find your good and true either way dear missy;)
Love
Km
Yes, yes, and yes. Isn't it weird how lonely motherhood can be even though there are constant little voices needing you? And yet you feel lonely, but really want quiet as well. I think you described me as well.
As for Paris, it would be scary and awesome all at the same time. Can you imagine a better place to get alone with your thoughts? When else will you ever get that chance?
Loneliness is a very dark space which I don't wish on anyone. Sometimes you find yourself in a crowd but are lonely and sometimes you are alone and all is well. I know where you are coming from and know that I am always a call away. I love you all and know that you will make the decisions that are best.
hugs. can relate. good description! your words create that space and yet at the same time let you share it with us. Paradox. ical.
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