It's been far too long since I have been able to say that. I have been consumed by future plans....or lack thereof and have found it difficult to enjoy the present but that's just it, I haven't been present.
Do you know the guys that throw fish at Seattle's Pike Place market? Anyone who has been there knows what I am talking about. Well, did you know that they have a entire training program centred around the FISH! philosophy? I had to go through it when I worked in banking and one of the practices was "Be There". They say being emotionally present for people sends a powerful message of respect and it improves communication as well as strengthens relationships...and don't I know it. I had this one client who would come in weekly (minimum) and talk to me for a good hour (minimum). He was a gentle old man with Parkinson's so he was extremely difficult to understand but I knew that he didn't have family near, probably didn't get out much, let alone have someone to listen to him, even if it was about his investments and basically needed a reason to leave his house.
This principle resonates with me still and lately, I have not been there - for my children or myself, leaving me feeling completely inadequate, especially when it comes to Ella and drained because I have not given myself the liberty I need to nurture the other parts of my mind, heart and body. It's a fine balancing act that I think many of us struggle with on an ongoing basis. But tonight, as I was listening to Ella and Louis, sipping my glass of red and doing dishes, it dawned on me - I was happy, I was content. I wasn't thinking about what next year would bring or next month, I was in the moment enjoying two of my favourite things (you can make your own assumptions as to which they were).
This morning, Ben gave me some time first thing in the morning and I finished my first out of 5 book reviews due for my course and a week ahead of schedule to boot. It felt good and I was finished and ready to head downtown by 11am. And while I didn't really want to go anywhere for fear it would start pouring (as forecasted) the moment I stepped outside, I slapped on my default outfit (wellies, cardigan and jeans) and played along. Ben went and spent his birthday money on a scarf in his college colours. It was revealed at this point that a little boy had been promised his certain favourite restaurant, second only to sushi. After lunch we went to the local bookstore to meander (my favourite thing) and then over to Patisserie Valerie for a cappuccino and piece of chocolate cake. On the way back to our bikes which were parked under the mall, we took a detour on the elevator up to the sixth floor of the parkade. Obviously, we have never been up there because we have never had a car to park, but Ben peaked out to see what he could see, and this is what he found.
It wasn't a special day, we didn't do anything out of the ordinary, or go anywhere different I just let myself be present. If only everyday, I could follow my own advise and truly be present - be present in my time with Ella, my time with Jakob and with my husband, be present in my studying and in my work and be present in the times I have for myself. Often when I am given time to myself, I leave the door open or will tend to the kids as they need it because I never want them to feel like I am unavailable (but if I am available, they will always come to me first as opposed to Daddy) and then my time is never really my time and that's not right either.
Do you find it a challenge to be completely present? In what situations or with whom? What do you do to focus yourself?
I think I am going to make this my goal for the summer. To Be There. Do you have a summer goal? Maybe consider the FISH! Philosophy's other 3 main practices. They were created for the business world but I find they are very translatable into other aspects of life:
Play
Make Their Day
Choose Your Attitude
Have a great week! Oh, and Happy Diamond Jubilee!
7 comments:
This is ME exactly. so focused on the future, that I cannot see the present. nor do I want to. This is not where I want to be so I'm becoming bitter and distant, and unavailable. I feel all the things you are feeling. I JUST published my post, on how I'm changing my focus. It's not that easy to just change your thinking over night, but it's the day to day, that helps you stay focused on what's in front of you. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. (which I knew) Today I focus on what is and I'm going to be content in that, because Life IS good! Thanks for your post. Good affirmation of my thought process for today. Your timing is impeccable!
it appears that I am logged in as Alfred Weewoo! LOL It is actually, me, Erin! lol Alfred is actually Benjamin. woops!
Yes, it is one of my greatest struggles. And then I find myself shutting down and shutting everyone out. I find my mood very "straight faced".
Lately, what I have been trying to do is to rid things out of my life that are either distractions or things that pull me down. Let's face it, social media is a bitter sweet thing. It can fun, but also makes you play the comparison game without noticing you are doing it. So, sometimes for me it is just taking a break from those things and spend quality time with an old friend or my kids.
Sometimes making more time for me, which you know it is hard. but like you mentioned, sometimes removing distractions and reading a book for pleasure really helps.
Sometimes it's cleaning out clutter.
For me, I've been super stressed that we haven't sold our house. I'm so ready to move on and start building in a new part of town...where we will be so much closer to Andrew's work. But, I've been trying to enjoy things around our neighborhood that I know I will miss when we are gone. Sometimes just soaking in the beauty of what's around me...that sounds really cliche, but it's true. Easier said than done.
I don't know, you'll have to share more secrets along the way that you learn.
Oh wow, this one is a struggle for me because I tend to be an anxious thinker and I think to much and "just be" to little! So, I guess this should be my goal, to not think so much about the next day, the next moment, but enjoy what is right in front of me! I don't know how I am going to do it though!
Women probably do this more because we have to take care of everyone and think ahead! Legit in that regard although bitterness is never allowed to stay for long but again...it is legit for awhile and normal...then we pull ourselves to experience another human emotion.
Ironically I often get those moments when I am doing a mundane chore like dishes too. If the sunlight is coming in...just so...or the rain is pouring down and Norah Jones is playing Come Away with Me...or if we blast Ozzie or Pink and the kids crazy dance with me...those are the moments I get that crazy content thing happening...but it does not last long....if it did I do not think I would be that effective in the world...it could get easy to get caught up in self. So I am glad there is a bit of both and my hope is that for myself and others there will not be too much of either but perhaps a little more of bliss:)
Me time? What's that? I don't think I ever allow myself to be present for myself. Mainly just for Samantha. But it's all worth it. My "me" time is just being able to be with her. :-)
I read that Fish book back when I was in retail management. It's one of those things they *make* you read, and you're not happy about it, but when you've read it, so much of it sticks with you. Oh, and of course, the one day I actually went to Pike Place Market, there was nobody buying fish, so there were no fish being thrown. :-(
Loved this post! And loved that book- I still have the book and the stuffed fish I got with it 12 years ago- I read it once a year because I think the message is worth repeating. Another book I love is The Servant by James C. Hunter. It talks about the true essence of leadership- which is all about being a servant. Jesus was the greatest example of this concept. It's an amazing book. : )
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