Monday, April 30, 2012

A Glimpse Into My Life As A Musician's Wife.

I had written a post. It was amazing. "Some of your best work yet" my husband said. I wanted to save it and publish it this morning, being Monday, because it is bloggy rush hour and I knew it would get a lot of traffic but when I went to post it, it was gone. Not the post itself, I couldn't have deleted the post because the title was still there but the content...not a word. And blogger autosaves! I have no idea what happened but when it wasn't there, I got  teary eyed. I felt like Hemingway when all of his manuscripts were stolen off a train except that no one stole my one petty blog post, which had no potential for monetary compensation and now I have no motivation to try and re-write it. The moment has passed. It wouldn't be as the same. It wouldn't be as good.

But do you know what I thought after I was sure that it was gone? I want to write something that is worth losing. It was just a blog post about how strange my life is. It wouldn't have made me any money, made me famous or otherwise enriched the world at all. I feel so small and insignificant and I feel like my writing is trivial. Losing my post made me realize just how much I want to write something that I would consider a great tragedy to lose. Something really amazing, life-changing, paradigm shaking.....maybe one day.

8 comments:

Tatiana said...

Hmm... I guess we will need to be satisfied by the mystery of it all. God speed my friend!Write to YOUR heart's content. You may be small but I assure you, you are NOT insignificant! :)

Becca said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. :-( I would have loved to have read it, but then again, I love everything you write anyway. :-)

Sarah said...

I would love to hear about how strange your life is! We could share stories.
I am married to an Engineer...they are a whole different breed.

Kmarie said...

That sucks. Even when I loose something I hate I am upset because it was a part of me and I do believe I am significant in the messy moments as well as the beautiful ones. You are too. I am sure another post, one day will make you feel just as wonderful. I think it was still worth loosing even if it did not make you famous or touch many. Writing from your perspective is life changing because you are your own unique voice. Just a different perspective. There are some things we will do that are more significant than others but I have no doubt you have already had some of those moments and will continue to:)

Ashley said...

It must have felt wonderful to hear Ben say those worlds about your post. He got to read it, so remember that! And while you are understandably disappointed, your perspective is a wise one, and may it spur you on to more great expressions of your heart!

Cindy said...

Sorry about the post. Whatever you write, I'll read!

Leah said...

Thank you for visiting my blog and giving me the chance to discover yours. Your children are so beautiful! One day I discovered that my entire blog was gone. Not deleted, but like it never existed. I panicked for about 10 hours, at which point it magically came back. Taught me some new lessons in backing up. At that time my blog was a little over a year old but it was still my girl's baby book, in essence. Even if you feel like your post was small, it's still an important part of you. Hoping that you can take your newfound inspiration for bigger things forward! I'd love to see it happen.

my family said...

It so frustrating, I hope it pops back up into bloggy land because I know that kind of crazy thing can happen:)
Just stopping by from Patti's blog, love your writting, photos and of course your header....I will now be your newest stalker...ahem, follower:) April

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