Friday, February 3, 2012

Guest Post From This Mama

I am SO delighted to have my dear friend Marissa from This Mama joining One Beautiful Life today. While, Marissa and I went to college together, we somehow missed each other and it was only in the past 3 years that we were able to form a friendship. She is an amazing woman that has so much to share in faith, in motherhood, in creativity and in life. She, like me has just undergone a huge transition moving with her husband and 3 adorable little girls across Canada, leaving behind family, friends and all things familiar. Thank you so much Marissa for sharing!

Making friends has never been easy for me. While I admire those that are good at carrying on a light conversation, I am quite awkward about it; perhaps because silence doesn’t bother me. I don’t generally particularly enjoy large groups as they overwhelm me and I am also a bit of a homebody. This makes making new friends a challenge. All that being said, I love having friends. I need friends. I don’t expect that you will ever hear me say that I only need my husband and my children because I find that while I do wish to spend the majority of my time with them, I thrive when I also have meaningful interaction with others.
Two years ago, we decided to spend one year in our old college town where there just happened to be several people that I was close with. I didn’t need to make friends because I could slip in a comfortable groove with those that I already had. We had similar interests, values, and even children close in age. I loved it! For one year, I was in my element. 

By the time we left, to my surprise, I had made so many new friends. In that year I became surrounded by beautiful women so different and yet like myself. Somehow, I had dropped the “on the outside of friendships” that I had come to accept as myself and replaced it with being one able to reach out and also reciprocate. And then we moved. 
Now I find myself starting all over again. Only this time I am again out of my comfort zone. I am once again the one fighting to get past myself and my insecurities to find my place. My husband says that I have to take the awkward steps if I want to have the comfortable ones. He probably is right. And so I go to the community events, I struggle through conversations where I am not sure what to say and would be okay with companionable silence, and I have learned a few things. 
1. Children are a wonderful ice-breaker and they are a bit of a buffer (should I admit that?).
2. I can push myself to go outside of my comfortable spot but I can do that within the realm of accepting my personality.
3. The easiest way to make friends is to join people in similar interests. 
4. I am in no hurry because for the first time since my early teens, I’m not here for a year or two. Friendships have time to mellow. 
5. Age is somewhat irrelevant, yes other kids are nice, but a kindred spirit knows no age. 
6. There is no specific measure of a meaningful friendship nor are all facets of a kindred spirit always fulfilled within one person.
7. Until I find my place here, I am thankful for modern modes of friendships such as blogs, emails, skype, and text messaging!

About Marissa:

As wife to Dan and mama to my three beautiful daughters, I spend most of my time learning to live well in the day to day. I write about things such as daily life, natural living, books, food and art (especially with young children) over at Confessions of a Young Mama. In my spare moments, I add handmade goodness to my little shop Chickadee Swing.

You can also find Chickadee Swing on Facebook.
Marissa and I are doing a blog swap today, so why don't you grab another cup of coffee and head over to This Mama to check out my post there. 


Kmarie said...

Loved this Marissa! Your tips are great:) I am the same way- socia chit chat is tougher...luckily I am in a community where friendships can mellow too.
"Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." - Dinah Craik

Marissa said...

That is a great quote Kmarie. Thanks for taking the time to share it.
I actually think that chit chat may be harder for a lot more people than I realize even if I often feel that I am the minority.

farmer said...

I felt as if you where describing me...
another great post :)

beth@redandhoney said...

I see two things in that photo: 1) Those were really fun nights, and 2) apparently I have terrible posture :)

Marissa said...

Farmer: I am looking forward to meeting you in person! And thank you.
Beth: It is the bench...totally the bench. And I miss those nights.

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