Audiology Update

Today, we went to the city as always, but this time for Ella's audiology appointment. She hasn't had one since she was almost six months old. At that time, everything looked normal.
I haven't had any concerns about her hearing. She generally will respond when her name is called, or dance when music is playing. She did however stop making her "m" sound, which one SLP had said could be the result of hearing loss. I didn't think much of it until her follow up appointment today.
The Down Syndrome Clinic has been without an audiologist for almost as long as we have been going but a few weeks ago they were finally able to introduce their new hire. I thought it would be months before we were able to get in, so you can imagine how thrilled I was when they called last week and said that they had an opening on Monday.
I noticed during the appointment that Ella was not always responding to the sounds coming out of the speakers unless they were full volume. My untrained eye however was unsure as to whether it was due to the fact that she couldn't hear it or that she was just too distracted by the toys. She does live with a rowdy older brother in a household where there is usually music playing.
Needless to say, the audiologist concluded that there is some fluid sitting behind her ear drums. This could be due to a cold which seems to be manifesting itself  and will fix itself in time but because of our time crunch (moving to a different country) she is going to follow up in May and make a referral to the ENT (Ear, nose and throat) specialist.
I am not too worried about it: lots of children need tubes, she doesn't suffer from chronic ear infections and while speech is coming slow it does seem to be coming...I am just a little annoyed that after a year of no issues, two have come up right when we are preparing for transition. C'est la vie!

Palm Sunday

The sentiment behind Palm Sunday is one of a complex nature. Perhaps this is why it wasn't mentioned in church today. It is easier to preach on Easter when the feelings are natural and straight forward as opposed to a feast that commemorates Jesus Triumphal entry, all the while knowing that this false celebration would turn to scoffing and ridicule.
Despite the climax that we know will follow in just 5 days time Palm Sunday is traditionally a time when the church, especially children mark Jesus as the Prince of Peace. In Matthew, it is described like this:

21:1 Now when they drew near to Jerusalem and came to Bethphage, to the Mount of Olives, then Jesus sent two disciples, 2 saying to them, “Go into the village in front of you, and immediately you will find a donkey tied, and a colt with her. Untie them and bring them to me. 3 If anyone says anything to you, you shall say, ‘The Lord needs them,’ and he will send them at once.” 4 This took place to fulfill what was spoken by the prophet, saying,

5 “Say to the daughter of Zion,

‘Behold, your king is coming to you,

humble, and mounted on a donkey,

and [1] on a colt, the foal of a beast of burden.’”

6 The disciples went and did as Jesus had directed them. 7 They brought the donkey and the colt and put on them their cloaks, and he sat on them. 8 Most of the crowd spread their cloaks on the road, and others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. 9 And the crowds that went before him and that followed him were shouting, “Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest!” 10 And when he entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred up, saying, “Who is this?” 11 And the crowds said, “This is the prophet Jesus, from Nazareth of Galilee.”

There are a few things to note in this passage. The first one being that Jesus came riding into Jerusalem on a donkey. Traditionally, Kings would ride into the city on horses as they prepared to wage war. Jesus however, rode a donkey, which symbolized peace. He did not come to fight a violent battle, rather he came in peace for he is the Prince of Peace.

The other detail that I would like to highlight is the word Hosanna. The crowds shouted "Hosanna in the Highest!" But what does this really mean? I feel that John Piper explains it best in this article. It's meaning is hard to pin down and is redundant if researched in a Greek Lexicon as it is actually a Hebrew word used but once in the old testament and refers to salvation. 

At the end of the passage however they say "This is the prophet Jesus, from Nazareth of Galilee." So my question is, if they believed that Jesus was but a prophet how would he bring salvation. Did they not know that salvation comes from God and God alone?

I can't help but wonder how Jesus felt as he rode into Jerusalem, being exalted out of ignorance. Perhaps, it is these thoughts that fuelled his rage when he cleansed the temple of commerce upon his arrival. There does however, seem to be one group whose simple hearts knew of the truth they shouted. And when the Pharisees asked Jesus, "Do you hear what they are saying?" Jesus replied, "Yes; have you not read, Out of the mouths of infants and nursing babies, you have prepared praise."

How I long for child-like faith. When the simplicity of the moment is first and foremost:

 Jesus is Lord. He died for our sins on the cross. Was resurrected from the dead and upon the confession of sin and acceptance of His grace we can live with him now and forever.

As we enter what is traditionally known as the Holy week, I hope you will follow with child-like faith. Not through skeptical eyes with cynical hearts (as is my temptation) but rather keeping our eyes fixed on God with hearts full of joy.

**I have to admit that these posts: should I be successful in posting as much as I would like this week, are an exercise to flush out my currently embittered heart. Today, as I sat in church and listened to the Pastor preach on the good news I felt little joy. I don't want my life to be a reaction to what could be worse but rather a celebration of what is and is to come. I don't find it helpful when looking out at the snow to say, "Well, it could be worse, we could be homeless in Japan" because while that is true it is simply a backward pessimism, not a love driven optimism. I would rather see it as God's creation and therefore beautiful in and of itself. I don't want to live out of fear of God's wrath but rather driven by the Psalmist deep thirst for God and unhindered love for his Saviour. I would appreciate prayers in this week. It has been a cold winter in the valley and I'm ready for spring.**

A different kind of waiting...

There are times when I worry that I am not spending enough time with my children. Today, was one of those days. I was getting ready for our garage sale tomorrow and left the kids to entertain themselves. I began wondering if this need to constantly be "entertaining" or teaching my children is an obligation I have placed on myself, or if it has always existed. But then I thought about women of the past whom I can't imagine had the amount of down time that we have now and raised 10plus children who grew up to be perfectly agreeable citizens. What is the difference?

Then there are children who spend much of their childhood in orphanages. Who wake each day waiting for breakfast, and then looking forward to lunch and all the while, hoping a family will find them. It hit me again. No toys to entertain them, no mothers to nurture them.

It hit me while I was enjoying a nice little snuggle with Ella before she went to bed in her cozy blanket sleeper, surrounded with love. I want to hold them. I want them to experience love and warmth and I wonder how God is loving them right now - in this moment of loneliness, or fear, or hunger, or pain.

If you haven't read up on Carrington's story, I encourage you to do so. It is so heart breaking that she has been allowed to waste away and yet it is a victory story of what God can do with your gifts. Her forever family found her, and nursing her back to health through love send from worldwide and the amazing medical resources we have in North America.

I am Bennett's warrior, and you can't even imagine how thrilled I would be to see him in a loving family. There are families out there, there is just a lack of funds. Please consider giving to Bennett's grant or even just praying for him, his current caregivers and his future family.
Thank you.

Please donate here

Life goes on....

Well, amidst thinking about Cambridge, planning out the logistics of relocating overseas, sorting and packing the entire contents of my life, the show must go on.
I am first a mother, my husband's biggist fan and advocate at large. So let me fill you in on our adventures outside of Cambridge.
As of late, our lives have been consumed with the Three Hills Arts Academy production of Guys and Dolls. They did an amazing job (as always). From the set, to costumes to the incredible talent on stage - it was a timeless hit! Everyone did such a fabulous job and I am proud to call you my friends. More pics can be found here. See the guy in the pink...yeah, he's with me.

We all seem to have made it through unscathed...that being said I was a bit of a bag going into week two of performances (or into the last month before shows even started) and was sick of the endless nights of single parenting.

But it's over and it was a success and there is no better way to celebrate than with GARLIC NIGHT! I feel, honestly, so blessed to have friends that love food as much as I do. We oohed, awed and drooled as we were welcomed by the aroma of Garlic. Sweet potato chipotle soup, walnut pesto linguini, garlic sauteed broccolini, garlic risotto, green beans, bruschetta, roasted chicken made with 40 cloves of garlic and so much more. It was divine.

When it is this good, we don't even get half way through our meal before beginning discussions on what will be up next. Creole? Middle Eastern? British (where the national food is curry)?

Queue transition to Ella....

There is a lot going on in Ella's world too, lately. Today, at school, while singing our Good-bye song, Ella stood....all by herself....for the whole song....with actions. It was spectacular. We love PREP so much and will be sad to leave it. It is where Ella came out of her shell, learned that she loves painting, loves to jump on a trampoline and loves to go down the slide. It is where she has learned how to take turns and is learning how to use her little passive voice.

She coming along with signing but the voice is still hidden and quiet. The last two weeks we have gone in early to meet with our SLP (Barb) to see if we can't coax a little bit more out of Ella. Barb seems to think that Ella's lack of vocalization is not and issue of ability so much as personality... and really, if you have met her, you know what I mean when I say that she can smile and get WHATEVER she wants. She does things (including speaking) carefully and with care and won't go off babbling using sounds she is unfamiliar with.
Da, ta and tse are her favorites and she uses them often. I am pretty sure she says "down" confidently (meaning it isn't a coincidence that she is making the correct sound). We're now working on B's and the Ah sound. I am still a little skeptical but I am truly thankful to Barb for joining with me in conquering this hurdle.
The other news in Ella's world is that in May she will be going in for a sleep study consult and then an actual sleep study. After a referral was made because of Ella's shockingly low O2 levels while in hospital pneumonia, she was put on a sleep monitor and labelled as semi-urgent.
I don't really know what this means but I am trying to limit the freak-out. Before pneumonia, I never had reason to suspect that Ella had sleep apnea. She sleeps well, she sleep long, although I have been told that there are other kids with sleep apnea that also sleep very well. If it is bad enough they might suggest putting her on a cpap machine or make a referral to the ENT.  I wouldn't be worried one bit about it if we weren't planning on moving overseas but then again, I also know a child  whose parents were advised to follow through with the above recommendations, chose to do nothing, and their child is perfectly fine. Time will tell and quite frankly, I will be glad to get it out of the way, instead of have it come up in England.
We will also have her hearing checked again on Monday, now that the Down Syndrome Clinic FINALLY has a new audiologist and her eyes again in June. I am not worried about either.

Then there is Jakob...
Well the snow is melting at last!!!! and while the wind is bitterly cold the sun is warm. Today, he may have even been out in the sandbox with no shoes or coat. Ill-advised by Mommy, but he did it anyway.
He is getting so big and unbelievably sharp. This morning was just a typical example of Jakob's aptitude for phonetics. "Does J starts with Jug, mommy?" He is coming into his own cultivating his natural charm, sass and compassion. I entrust his sponge-like heart and mind to God and I see God working in him already. Through the tantrums, arms crossed and furrowed brow his kind spirit is evident. He is an amazing big brother to any that are littler than he is. And while he tries to be brave he will say, "You'll protect me?" when a fly buzzes by. I will protect you dear Jakob.

This weekend will see little rest so I savour these quiet moments. We have our Garage sale, and then Ben has a Chamber Choir concert Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. Then after our hearing appt on Monday we will be off to BC on Tuesday. I hope it to be a much needed break and a good time with family.

Happy Hump Day Everyone!

The Cambridge Diaries continued....

I am wearing a watch that doesn't tick. I found it today as I was sorting through my junk drawer. It needs a new battery and has for some time now - we're talking probably in the ball park of two years. I put it on so as not to loose it, thinking it would probably come in handy whilst in Cambridge…even though I have managed to do without it during what has turned out to be the busiest season of my life thus far. The argument in my head had something to do with the fact that I wouldn't have my cell phone to reference the time and therefore would need something. That being said, one of the reason Cambridge is so appealing to me is my complete lack of responsibility outside of the home and a less vigorous schedule.

The watch is just one of many things that I can't seem to part with along with my 3-hole punch and travel mug. Since last week packing is proving much more challenging than anticipated. I need to consider what I am willing to sell so as to donate the proceeds to "The Fund", what I will need in the next five months leading up to departure and then what I esteem a necessity for the next year of my…not to mention my husband's and my children's life. Oh yes, and then there is what just needs to go altogether.  

The countdown is on until we need to be out of our house. 16 days, four of which I will be away. And between now and then a garage sale needs to happen, Mendelssohn's Psalm 42 will be performed twice not including rehearsals, we will bury my Nana's ashes bidding farewell to earthly life, my father's 65th birthday will be celebrated in style - all this in the midst of a still very busy everydayness. The days fade quicker than I'd like and yet, much like my watch, time stands still.

You see, overshadowing the sense of awe that will be infused into a simple walk to the market by centuries old architecture and breathe-taking scenery there is the hesitation of disbelief. Cambridge seems but a dream - something you romance about while driving through the blank white prairies in winter, not a reality for which you pack up your life and two small children for. It is something you read about in a book or watch in a movie and feels all too "Revolutionary Road"ish.  The excitement is smothered by a fear that something will go wrong: Ben will not be accepted into a college, visas will not come through or funding will fall short.

Everyday, we check anxiously, as we did up until an offer of acceptance was made to see if a college has also offered him a place.

This whole experience has been, what we thought to be a crapshoot. When discussing schools there were the obvious options: UBC and U of A. Then we thought it best if Ben also applied to a school in the States and his dream school: Cambridge. We never dreamed that he would even be considered. Ben was reluctant to even think that he would be offered a place at any university let alone be offered scholarships or assistantships.

Time stood still as we waited for replies, the first one being from UBC: presenting a very competitive offer and a personal expression of admiration for Ben from the director of both the program and of the Board of Graduate studies.

The second letter came from the University of Alberta stating they had recommending Ben for acceptance and then a third letter confirming his acceptance. 

And while both options seemed appealing Ben wanted to be sure he had all of the pieces to make and informed decision. Finally in February, much to his surprise (this is an understatement) he received word that he had been recommended for acceptance by the faculty at the University of Cambridge.

And time stood still….

After about a month, we assured ourselves that UBC was the best option and were convinced that it was where God was leading. He had provided an acceptance with as much financial help as we could have hoped for, a good support system and sufficient resources for the kids. I began investigating jobs and considering housing.

And time stood still…until on April 6th Ben was offered a conditional acceptance (all offers are conditional to a number of items including financial undertaking, acceptance of the offer, acceptance to a college and a criminal record check).

Oh how one's interpretation of the will of God can change immediately with that one special piece of the puzzle.

We gave it due time and prayer and did a complete 180. It is one of those stages of life that you feel like you are watching on an old time film strip. Surreal. But it is this surreal nature that discourages 100% buy-in. Dreaming is easy when there is nothing on the line, nothing to risk, nothing to lose…….to be continued.....

Morning came easy....

Life is short but it is wide....


Morning came easier today.
My type A personality does not rest well with indecision. But now, now I am free to plan, to dream, to enjoy.

It didn't take me 24hours before I had budget set, a timeline drawn, checklists made and a plan executed.

I even had a new wardrobe picked out for the occassion (not actually)...

Cambridge. It's a loaded word. And with the help of Amazon.ca I will try to unpack what I can academically (check out my new bookshelf page).
But it means more than just learning the history and sending my passionately talented husband to study music among giants. It is a chance for me to stretch my academic and creative legs which have been cramped into motherhood for the past 4 years.
And the kids: I am just as excited for them. They may be young but there is something about living in a  different culture that adds to one's character in a way that no other domestic experiences can.

They are getting so big and soaking it all in.

Not to mention they will have their mother in her element. Its something that I will expand on later but I change when I am overseas - when I am not surrounded by the comforts I have come to cherish. Perspective.  I can't wait. I can't wait for them, I can't wait for me, I can't wait for Ben. Can. not. wait.

And thus begins: The Cambridge Diaries.

"What we call the beginning is often the end

And to make an end is to make a beginning.

The end is where we start from….

…We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time."

-T. S. Eliot 

Perhaps, I come to the place where I started far more often than I would like to admit. Much like history would not like to admit that there is nothing new under the sun and it is but a pattern of timeless movements. We are finite creatures as frequent as pebbles on a beach. In and out. Refined. Smoothed. Eroded. 

Yesterday, we arrived at the start again. There we stood in a yellow wood and this morning we chose the path we would take. Cambridge. 

My head is a kaleidoscope of thought but my great grandfather, whom I have never met stands front and centre. His soft smile and gentle eyes easing me into a dream. There is a picture of him in my grandmother's house. He is sitting on a bail of hay, tying his ice skates. His face is wise, his demeanour pleasant and contended.

I have always felt an unexplained bond with my great Grandfather. Victor. Perhaps it is because when you have never known a person, you can make them to be whatever you need them to be, at the time when you need it. And I need a friend. I need a person to whom I can look up to, aspire to be like, admire. A person, who sees the world the way I see it or at least understands the way I see it. I need a person who values me for every part of me. For my dumbed down intellect, my hidden heart and the timid child within.

I dream about how he would be proud of me, how he would see him in me too.

And while I have done nothing to warrant my voyage to the University of Cambridge, he is proud. He is excited about the experiences I will have, the knowledge I will obtain and the wisdom I will gain.

We dream of walks along the River Cam, picnics in Jesus Green and a year of history and heritage. Cambridge - inspiration to Isaac Newton, Sir Francis Bacon, John Rutter, John Donne, E. M. Forster, A. A. Milne, William Wordsworth among so many others. 

Dear Cambridge, what will you have for me? One year. One year to rest. To learn. To grow. To start over, start again, start afresh. To start a new chapter. A culmination of beginnings and ends.  One year of less and of more. With time to spend. Time to savour. One year to know intimacy with God in a new way. To learn love. To love. To renew love. Love for God, for my husband, for my children. One year to instill, to impress, to inspire little minds and little hearts.

  

**shhh, T. S. Eliot was actually an Oxford graduate. Gasp!