Free Love....

Tomorrow is February, my favorite month of the year.

Not only is it my birthday month, but this year Chinese New Year falls in February. But the reason I look forward to February is because it is all about LOVE!

I can't even imagine a world in which all of mankind loves with a pure love: not a love for money or power but a true, self sacrificing, humble love. A love that does not pursue a filtered world or human race, but a love that accepts every person: celebrating their unique abilities, talents and personalities.

What I wouldn't give to see all of the children of the world experience pure love: the same love we pour out on our children everyday. The love we tuck them into bed with, the love that kisses away all the hurts in their world, the love that allows them to see the world with wonder.

I wish I had something to give away. I wish that I had more motivation that just words to make you see the need to give, and maybe something will come (I do have 28 days). But for now I simply ask.

Share the love this month with Bennett

 - he is still waiting to know love.

 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.

Movie Night

Jakob and his daddy have something strong in common. They LOVE popcorn and watching movies so tonight was family movie night. We watched Toy Story 3. Say cheese Ella,

And this was just a picture I forgot to include in my last post but I have to include it because really, it is precious. She loves her dolls and her babies....

Big things and small things

When did life get so complicated?

This is kinda how I feel sometimes.....

I ask myself this question a lot.

Somewhere along the line all my passions, hopes and dreams went to war within me, settling in the pit of my stomach. I remember a time when I had no mortgage, no husband, no kids, no dog or any of the other things that make my life so rich - all I had to think about was poor old dispensable me. In retrospect life seemed so much simpler and yet I know it wasn't.

All this to say, as much as cherish this one beautiful life and try to live in the moment I long for a simplicity.

I think simplicity is always there. It is always at the foundation of the hopes and dreams, responsibility and baggage that we have collected over the years. We just loose sight of it. And much like my basement, we need to sort through our collection, make homes for the things that stay, throw away the things that need to go and move on with renewed focus. We are approaching this time.

We listed our house for sale. This could be something or nothing at all - the market is slow here in Three Hills. Yesterday, though, I already felt a weight lifted. We bought this house not thinking we would be getting pregnant anytime soon and a month later, I got pregnant with Ella. My return to work never happened because of the attention I needed to give Ella...we need to save for other things.

We are in a time when I need to trust God more than ever just like always but it is so hard. Living without fear is a daily battle. The proper response is "God is in control" but really, that is exactly what I am afraid of. I know that God is refining me and refining hurts. I know he isn't going to let me sail through life easy peazy and so instead of waiting with the anticipation of a child at Christmas time for what is next, I fear ever corner. What snags are lingering, what traps are set, where will I inevitably fall. It's like in the movies - at the climax of the action when the heroine must conquer evil but must wait for just the right moment.....Wait for it.....wait for it....okay NOW!
Yeah, I am the one that would jump too soon, plummeting to failure.

Oh, for faith like a child. Jakob has just starting wanting to pray. Seriously, before a couple of weeks ago, all I could get out of him was a rhyme at best.
Now he prays for everything...and you know what....he is thankful for everything, or at least that is how he prays.
If I say, "make sure you pray that Ella will get better", then he says, "thank you that Ella would get better." There may be a comprehension gap there but I still think it is beautiful and something I can learn from. Not a sense of chance but a sense of expectation. I am so busy praying life will go according to plan that I sometimes forget to be thankful.
And yet I have sooooo much to be thankful for.

Big things are happening, one being  that I am able to take the photography course I had talked about in one of my pity party posts. Soooooo excited! Revolutionary! I don't know how to use Audrey. Not. one. clue. I play around with settings, okay, that looks good and shoot. Some are good, some aren't. The course is taught by Ron Nickel. You may not recognize the name but if you get any Focus on the Family publications take a look at the photos...more than likely they are Ron's. Amazing guy, phenomenal photographer.

So that brings me to FEBRUARY!!! Did I mention I LOVE February. It's my birthday month and in my culture (princess culture) you get to celebrate your birthday ALL. MONTH. LONG! There is a tonne in store: The year of the Rabbit, dumplings, Mom, hearts, teddy bear picnics, birthdays, lots of pictures. (I have assignments each week and need lots of practice) and a whole lot of LOVE!

Bring it on!!!

Have a great weekend!

Brushfield spots, prepositions, and felting...

So Audrey had it pretty easy in Edmonton. The sun was shining, this mommy had two hands, time to take it all in and the landscape was my main subject. The last few days I have tried to give her a bit more of a work out. People...little squirmy people, the low light of the home to which we have been bound lately, and other not-so-forgiving circumstances. I have been super impressed though and find her way easier to transition into than my mac (sorry Franky).

Sunday night my babe was still holding onto the stomach flu which manifested itself at the start of the weekend, but it takes a lot to bring this one down. Get it "down"? so pathetic, I know. One of my goals with Audrey is to be able to capture Ella's beautiful eyes. Here is a poor attempt, but if you look closely you can see a few brushfield spots. They are a "disorder" but I see them more as an enhancement.

Needless to say, we didn't go into the city for physio on Monday morning and hung low all day. We even made another snowman (even though it is ICE week).

Jakob is funny this way - in that if we do an activity that he particularly likes, he will ask often and very matter-of-factly if we can do it again. For example, "I know mom, why don't we do puzzles and drink hot chocolate." We did this the other week and he asks quite frequently now if we can do it again. The only problem is that it only took one serving of hot chocolate for mommy to realize hot chocolate should be avoided at all costs. Snowmen, however, I can do. "Shall we make another snowman mommy." WHY YES!

I find it so interested...and entertaining to hear Jakob sort through language. A while back it was pronouns. She, her, his, I etc. now it is prepositions: in, out, "Soren wants out mommy." When really Soren wants in.

Monday night, I introduced my little dude to Audrey (this could have been a mistake). He loved her and the feeling was mutual. I was playing around with different settings in our dimly lit home....this is what happens when Jakob complies with my request for a smile....a little creepy?

Unfortunately, this darling angel also came down with the stomach bug Tuesday morning along with Daddy. So I had to put on my super mom cape and hunker down. Let's just say, I am glad we have laminate flooring. I was seriously needing to get out of the house by the end of the day and with everyone tucked in by 7pm, I headed over to a felting party hosted by the lovely and very talented Missy.

So many wonderful women. It was nice to get out.

Today, it seems like the family is on the mend. The sun came out for a bit this morning so we went for a walk to compensate for the lack of vitamin D yesterday. And now to wash my floor.

Happy Thursday! **I realized after I published this post that it is Wednesday...can you say long week...already!

The First Step is Awareness...

A mother waits anxiously for the doctor to arrive after an awkward departure made by the ultrasound technician.
"I am sorry, but it is likely that your baby has Down Syndrome. Would you like to terminate this pregnancy?"

Woah, Woah, Woah!

And yet this is how it happens all too often. Having a baby is a huge undertaking and many mothers already feel inadequate, so when they are faced with the prospect of having a child with a disability many (92%) crumble under the pressure and choose abortion, not seeing any other alternative.
But I can't help wonder if there is a malfunction in the diagnosis delivery.

What if you told this mother that there is a huge list of parents just waiting for the blessing of child with Down Syndrome? Parents waiting to adopt one of these special little angels with designer jeans? What if they didn't feel obligated to kill this life they have conceived?

The tests we have in place now are not even 100% accurate. Misdiagnosis happens all the time and to the best of my knowledge they are not mandatory. But times are a'changing and science is progressing and what now?

I am going to assume that most mothers choose to abort because of the lack of options and not because they think these lives are dispensable. Please read this article and stop the ignorant termination of these priceless lives.

http://childrenshospitalblog.org/will-babies-with-down-syndrome-slowly-disappear/

Meet Audrey....

I had a magical weekend.
I picked up Audrey, my heart full of uncertainty. She isn't as popular as her younger brother "the rebel" but there was a subtle strength to her that intrigued me. I kept my distance until the moment was right and then...

We danced.


We romanced all morning. She was perfect.

She has an eye for beauty....

She performs with poise.....

She is attentive to detail...

She appreciates texture....

colour.....

and design....

I don't deserve Audrey but I have a feeling this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

The game of life....

I have often found that there are two approaches to life. The spectator and the participant. There are the individuals that grab the bull by the horns and give it everything they've got. They chase after their dreams and pursue their passions. They may win, or they may lose but regardless, they play their heart out.
Then there are the spectators- you will never find a spectator because they will always argue that life cannot just be watched. Everybody that is living has some sort of life and therefore, they are obligated to participate. But the reality is, is that more often than not they simply watch life come and go and take what they can get when it comes. They live out of convenience and the safety of the stands. If a pop flight happens to makes its way to their seat, sure, they'll take it, and enjoy it but there is little risk and nothing to lose.
Well it doesn't take much to guess which category I fall in. But as I get older there is a part of me that would much rather sit on the sidelines. It's safe....and there is far less ridicule.
My husband likes to listen to sports radio (what man doesn't). IT DRIVES ME CRAZY! All these guys who think they are all that talking down these players when they may have never even played the sport themselves. "Did you see how Luongo totally let that puck in? He should have had his glove higher. Where was his focus?"
Retrospect is a beautiful thing. But the bottom line is that Lu is out there playing the game and you guys are sitting on a couch eating Cheetos and GETTING FAT! Okay, maybe that's a little much but do you get what I am saying?
If you take a risk, a spectator will have something to say about it and how irresponsible it is. And what you have to keep in mind is that they may not have the same values or priorities. And although I value good stewardship I don't think God cares how much I have in my bank account.
Our lives have been filled with "stupid" decisions. My husband and I both have degrees we may never use that we paid far too much for and he has a 2nd degree which we paid even more than too much for. Was it the wisest decision to go to school for a total of 10 years with little to show for it. Some would say no. (However, that being said, my husband is actually putting his degree to use in the job he is in now). But you could just see the bewilderment on the spectators faces when we made those plays. And I am sure they will have the same look when we make our next....that is too say if we don't chicken out.
So my question is - as a participant, how do you determine the next play? (Besides sticking a "I feel God calling me to _______) in front of it. Probably best just not to answer that question....

Heat wave

It only took a 10 degree jump but my spirits were lifted today. The sign on the local Credit Union registered -10 degrees and the sun was shining. Soren even seems a little less leery of going out for nature's call as opposed to scratching at the door, letting the wind hit his face and turning around to come back inside.

And how is "SNOW" week going so far? It's doing its thang, giving direction to our day, inspiration to our art and creativity to an otherwise miserable home-bound housewife.

You would think I had the most stoic kid in the world, when in reality most can attest the fact that once the camera comes out, Jakob lets all life slip from his eyes...his BIG BLUE eyes.

Today we made a snowflake chain. I had a roll of paper that I folded over and over. I did most of the cutting despite Jakob's obsession with scissors. But he was able to decorate the flakes with LOTS of glitter.

The pattern can be found here.

Like today most of our better days happen when I throw my agenda away and adopt Jakob's, which means I didn't get any work done, but rather made cupcakes. My boy loves to cook. Comes by it naturally, kind of like his need to get up at 6am.

I asked Jakob what he wanted to do with his cupcakes since it may just be a few too many for our little family and it was decided that he would give them to friends. Unfortunately, there were only so many cupcakes and we didn't make it around to everybody but that, I suppose is the only downside to having so many wonderful friends. My heart smiles every time I look at my fridge packed full of new Christmas cards and family photos. We are so blessed.

Happy Tuesday.

Finally, a little creativity...

When the ideas stop flowing naturally I rely on a little business like planning to give the creative juices a jump start. So I sat down this afternoon and thought through the next three months and came up with a theme for each week. This coming week will be Snow. Goodness knows we have enough of it.

The theme of snow will carry us through the week with activities playing into our theme. For example, creating a snowflake chain, playing with snow (indoors-unless it warms up), dressing the snowman, and crafting our own snowmen out of pompoms and any odds and ends we can find in our...."doodle drawers" (figurative for nooks and crannies). I will attempt to teach about the weather cycle and will focus on "S" words. Lately, I have been working with Jakob on sight words. Sight words are one method for learning to read: the child recognizes a word just by memorizing the order of the letters. This strategy is especially effective for visual learners which Jakob may be and Ella probably will be. To do this, I have made some custom flashcards...

These are just a few examples but you get the idea.
The themes are based on seasons and holidays starting with SNOW, then ICE, then CHINESE NEW YEAR, followed by two weeks of VALENTINE's (it will take a while), FAMILY, THE ZOO and then into LENT.
I have completed my list of Lenten tree ornaments and the stories that they represent, as they trace the fulfillment of God's covenant with His people. All this will come in a later post.

So there you have it. I am excited at our more focused approach to the week and I think it will be beneficial to both me and the kids. If you have ideas I would love to hear them.

Finding joy in Narnia

I'm trying...really. It seems more of a struggle than usual during these cold winter days but God sends blessings just when I feel that I can't bear it any longer.

A friend who thought of me while browsing the magazine section of the local grocery store....

our inter-racial marriage support group (aka: foodie support group for those of us that take food far to seriously). It is my one pure joy in this place I can't quite call my home yet and I know that there I will find good friends, great food, lots of laughter and on Indian night a warm cup of chai. Heaven.

(I love this picture because you can see just how out of place Jakob looks with his blond hair, blue eyes and not one ounce of asian in him.)

A reprieve from the heaviness that has been weighing down my heart: despite the snow on Friday, I started to feel a little bit like myself again. I am not sure what caused the changed but suddenly I felt like perhaps, just maybe, I might be able to make it through these trying times filled with doubt and uncertainty.

And an unexpected visit this morning complete with fresh crepes delivered to my door to share among family. I felt an unfamiliar joy as we talked about life and what the future holds....and watched Ella enjoy her very first Nutella Crepe.

Life is crazy. And I feel like just when I start to figure it all out, a thread comes loose and I come unraveled.

I need a reset button.

There is so much going on in my head but I have no idea where to start. So much inspires me and yet I am at a loss as to what to do...if I should do anything.

So until I know.....I will wait...

And breathe in each wonderful blessing of this One Beautiful Life

Wordless Wednesday- my sanctuary

This is my sanctuary lately. It was last winter's mini-makeover and let me tell you-TOTALLY worth it! We simply bought new lamps at Homesense and painted a feature wall and VOILA!

I've never been one for closing my door; I always wanted to be "available" for my children. I am discovering however that in order to be fully available when it counts, I need to retreat when I can.

Confession....

I confessed to someone yesterday that for probably the first time in this blog's existence I do not feel that it is consistent with who am I right now. I am grasping (still) for inspiration, positivity and optimism. After I returned home from our Christmas vacation on the coast, I fell hard. The frozen tundra got me down, as did the lack of hope that comes with January's lull. It's cold...very cold, blustery, snowy, icy COLD. And with Christmas over there is little to look forward to. Spring here is MONTHS away - we're talking May people. I can't even guarantee you that we will have a snow-free Easter. The calendar is less than hopeful with a jam-packed schedule that does include any fun trips to the pumpkin patch, a ride on the Christmas train or even a day at the park.

And how are the resolutions going you ask?! I failed. I am doing anything but living without fear. My head is pounding, my eyes are burning and my nose is raw. I am worrying about things I have no idea about. I am questioning God's faithfulness, His provision and His love for me. I FAIL.

For the past four days I have had a good old fashion pity party which climaxed today when I threw a tantrum which resembled a  page out of my 3 year old's book. And yet it was my 3 year old that came to the rescue. He came to me, gave me a big hug and said, "There's nothing to be afraid about mommy." He was helpless at the state of his distraught mother. You could tell he was thinking hard when he said somewhat to himself, " I know, I will go to my room." At that moment I frantically searched my memory to determine whether somewhere along the line he associated making me feel better by going to his room. I was relieved however, when he returned.....with Smurf.

I started writing this post a couple of days ago unsure as to whether I really wanted to share these thoughts with the world....and now that I have had a while to stew on it, I think I am okay. And here is why - because there is a lesson to be learned here. I have been racking my brain as to how to cheer up my dreary state. I have thought if only I could get a new funky chair, give a room a mini-makeover find something beautiful to tie me over (still a possibility). I have thought if only I had a NEW camera (yes, we're still fighting: me and my Sony cybershot). If only there was a holiday closer than my birthday, which is at the end of February but lets face it, I will celebrate it all month long anyway. If only, if only, if only.

I lost sight of this One Beautiful Life. I lost sight of the little things. I lost focus on the beauty that is beheld in the mundane. I will never forget my 5 days in this one beautiful life because it forced me to change my perspective. And now...I need a jump start.

I need to stop looking outside for inspiration because a.) if I go outside my fingers might freeze and fall off and b.) I have two very inspiring little munchkins right here.....I love this picture and I love the way that Ella looks at Jakob. The way she always looks at Jakob. She adores him and I adore that they are such good friends already. Today, again, pulling everything out of its place, making forts, reading books and squeezing every ounce of love and fun from each day.

Happy Monday.