Today has been one of those days that is hard to make sense of…that is, if there is any sense to be made of it. The truth is, most days take the same shape. I wake up ready to greet the day (this has only been redeemed in the last couple of months – there was a stretch when I often just did not want to get out of bed at all), then it is a matter of how long until I plummet. Sometimes the plummeting is caused by a specific trigger (bad news or a moment of self-doubt) and sometimes it is because it is 4:00 pm and I haven’t eaten enough in the afternoon – it is literally like a switch being flipped.
Today was no exception. This morning was filled with so much encouragement. As I opened my email to catch up on the weekend messages, I had a few photography inquiries, a partnership inquiry, encouraging messages as well as a writing inquiry and I also found an article that had been solicited by an organization but I was unaware had indeed been published. Later in the morning however, I heard some discouraging news (not even to do with me directly) and of course, my mood plummeted. This small, somewhat inconsequential piece of news had the power to make all the encouraging moments of the morning vanish in the blink of an eye and cause my self confidence, my trust, my optimism to become obsolete. Then, instead of freely accepting the encouraging moments as just that, encouragement, I asked Why? There must be something of this? What does it mean? Is this just to get my hopes up? Is it not good enough that I was at least considered even if nothing comes of it? So much of Ben's life and my life is like that. We have become so skeptical of the encouragement, of glimmers of hope, of an interview, a call back or an inquiry. We pray for encouragement, we pray for something, anything, when in reality, God gives us these things, these moments and then we spit on them.
Today, I am grateful for this morning. Even if nothing comes of any of it. I am grateful for the moments, the messages and the emails that say, you are doing what you are supposed to, what you are called to, what you are gifted at. Keep going.
"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.
If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never ever have enough."
- Oprah Winfrey