Tomorrow, being the last day.

Tomorrow is an end. It is Jakob's last day of school in Ladner. His last day with his teacher and his friends - the friends he started kindergarten with, the friends he played so well with, the friends whose parents I know and trusted.

Tomorrow is an end. It is Ella's last day at First Steps Preschool. It is her last day with her teachers who poured everything into helping her become who she is going to be - teachers who genuinely cared about her, loved her, prayed for her, prayed for us. It is her last day in the only classroom she has ever known, where she has friends and where the children accept her and include her.

Tomorrow is an end. Tomorrow we say good-bye to yet another team...but, you see, this time it is different because this team was different. This team was not only Ella's teachers, therapists and support worker, but her ballet teacher, her daycare and her community. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for all of these people. Why? Because above all, they genuinely loved Ella and not only wanted her to succeed but KNEW that she could succeed.

Because when you have a child with special needs, this is not something that is taken for granted. It is a rarity in a world that focuses on the disability instead of the ability. And truth be told, I fear the future. I am so afraid that Ella will not have teachers or therapists who see her potential but rather, right her off because they don't believe a person with Down Syndrome can learn to read, or dance, or have friends. I am afraid that they will treat her differently, when really, she just needs to be treated the same. I am afraid that they will set an example of exclusion and discrimination and I am afraid, most of all, that they will say "no".

Of all the things that we are leaving behind, Ella's team is the hardest to let go of. I can only pray that in our new town she has a ballet teacher as great as Julie, an aid as wonderful as Kathryn, teachers as loving as Dawna-Lyn, Lisa and Colleen, therapists as devoted as Tricia and Christine, a team leader as diligent as Sarah and daycare as positive as Kids in Paradise.

Thank you...all of you.

I think she was being a unicorn here...

Hey look something shiny - it's Christmas: The Vancouver Christmas Market

I have SO. MUCH. TO. DO.

T minus 1 week until the Oculus Chamber Choir Concert and 1 week until we move. Not to mention, Christmas mini-session, grad studies, work, blah, blah, blah...

And yet...

Hey, something shiny!! It's Christmas!!

I think it is a defence mechanism - avoidance. I get overwhelmed and then what do I do?
Get completely distracted with something entirely unrelated to the tasks at hand.

Like twitter... or a new blog banner, or new little social media buttons (over on the sidebar - like em?), or the Vancouver Christmas Market....

Did I mention that I love Christmas? Last year, I only watched the market activity from inside the Queen Elizabeth theatre so this year I was determined to go...and there is no day, like opening day.

"How did you like the Christmas market, Jakob?" "I would say it was a little bit interesting and a little bit fun."

Now, the last Christmas market I went to was in Edinburgh, so naturally, the Vancouver Christmas Market has stiff competition but for being in a North American city, I would say they didn't fare too badly. We arrived shortly after 4pm and there were very few people. There is an entrance price, but it is quite excusable and with it you receive a free re-entry pass for the whole season. Once you get in there however, be prepared to spend a lot of CASH on food, beverage and wares.

They have all the good staples of a German Christmas market including mulled wine, schnitzel and giant pretzels. They also have at least one booth for each artisan craft you might see at a typical German market - nutcrackers, scrolled Christmas ornaments, toys, candy and pottery. Not only that, but I think that a lot of the vendors were actually German! I think the real highlight however, is the Kathe Wohlfahrt store lined with glass blown ornaments and other Christmas gifts and decor. One of our family traditions that we have had each year since Ben and I first got married is to purchase a new christmas ornament. This year, that extended to include a new snow globe...



There's live entertainment, giant gingerbread people (Holly and Jolly) and an array of activities for the kids to do such as decorate a gingerbread cookie, have their face painted or go on the carousel.

This was when we first arrived...Ella had just woken up, tired little baby.

Another friendly stranger fail...I really ought to start carrying around a point and shoot.

All in all, it was fun...and Christmassy, even more so once it started to get a little more crowded and the sun had gone down. We spent about an hour and a half there until the kids and our money was spent. Is it too expensive? Yes. Especially, because part of the experience is the food and wine (or cider). But would I recommend it, yes. And would I do it again? You bet. In fact, I suspect I will be back there again this season, after all, I do get free re-entry and Albert Herring is just next door.

Over limit

Confession: I have a problem with self-control. If it's available I will devour it. It's true. If there is chocolate cake sitting on my counter, it won't be there long. Just like if there is credit available on my credit card....it won't be there long. My lack of self-control is the single greatest cause of stress in my life and I am over limit. This is precisely why I don't buy potato chips or cookies (often). In order to maintain self-control I am the type that just needs to cut the hand off completely. (This is a Christianese reference) So I adjust my shopping list and keep my credit cards at ridiculously low limits or close them completely, but there is one area of my life where I still struggle and that is with time. Time is harder to limit or eliminate and so I spend it until I am maxed out constantly trying to fit 30 hours into a day. The only way I know how to eliminate it, is to remove myself from all distractions but unfortunately, I can't do that on a regular basis. The result is never being fully present in any moment and always left wanting.

Have you ever noticed that children don't have this problem. When Ella is having her early morning cuddles, she isn't thinking about how she needs to get showered and ready for the day. She isn't making a mental list of all the things she needs to get done and she isn't worried about the time she is using in fear that she won't have enough later to do other things. She is just enjoying the warmth of my body, waking slowly and peacefully, taking the time she needs without regret. Likewise, when Jakob is colouring, he isn't worried about hurrying up and finishing so that he can play with lego or even practice his violin. And when we rush him, he is always so upset if he can't finish his picture, because in that moment, his picture is all that matters.

But we lose this "present-ness" as we become adults. Each moment is filled with thoughts and possibly worry of what comes next, what we're missing, or what we need to still fit in. I have said "yes" to too much. I admit it. The problem is that I enjoy everything that I do, but that enjoyment is hindered because I am constantly thinking about the 500 other things that I need to do.

This weekend, I had 500 things to do. Each day was carefully planned out to maximize time, but I didn't account for incidentals, or miscommunications and Monday, plans had to change (something I don't deal well with) and the kids and I found ourselves killing 2 hours at Granville Island while we waited for Ben to be finished his rehearsal. Two hours I could have been packing, or working, or editing photos, or studying or cleaning, or or or...

But instead, my children demanded the time that had been deprived of them, during the weeks months prior. They inadvertently established priorities and boundaries when I had no self-control to do it myself. And we just were. We went to the toy store, we ate muffins, we walked....

Please share, how do you set boundaries around your time? Especially for you working moms, how do you manage your family/work balance?

As we head into this shortened week (which is always bittersweet because really it just means one less day to get everything done) I hope you find the balance that you need and, as they say, Carpe Diem.